Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #music #culture #ages

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Some

people

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believe that

music

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helps bring

people

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of different nationalities from all around the world and even different ages and generations. I completely agree with

this

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suggestion. In the following paragraphs, I intend to outline the arguments

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

Linking Words

idea.

Firstly

Linking Words

music

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also

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well-known as a global language. The statistics demonstrate that approximately 35% of the listeners of famous

music

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do not understand its meaning.

This

Linking Words

figure indicates that

people

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do not care about the language of the song, and it is all about melody.

For instance

Linking Words

music

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concerts and

music

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festivals worldwide are the events with the

most

Correct word choice

largest

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audience

Fix the agreement mistake

audiences

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Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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. If famous singers like Drake and The Weeknd and

such

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like decide to hold a concert in different cities around the globe, the tickets will be sold out quickly.

Furthermore

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, there is various musical taste

between

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among

show examples

the

people

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. There is an article that says that like-minded

people

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with the same

music

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taste interact

easier

Rephrase

more easily

show examples

On the other hand

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, some

music

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is eternal. What I mean is different generations love these songs.

For example

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, if you analyze Michael Jackson’s concert, you will realize there are no age restrictions.

People

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between the age of 18-70 participate in

this

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concert, and everybody enjoys it.

Moreover

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, you can communicate with other

people

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of various ages through

music

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. You can talk about

music

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, and you might share your playlist with them and recommend them to listen to the latest

music

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and

likewise

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. After having considered the aforementioned arguments in some depth, I have concluded that

music

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and everything connected with it can be a good tool for communicating with different nations and generations.

This

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proves that

people

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do not care about the language or even the concept of

music

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. They like its melody.

Submitted by sia_21gr on Wed Feb 09 2022

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the coherence of your essay.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural diversity
harmony
integration
bridging gaps
foster
ignite
embrace
communicate
celebrate
appreciate
inclusivity
universal language
emotional resonance
shared experiences
intercultural dialogue
intergenerational connections
cultural exchange
catalyst

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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, most of the information is available on the Internet, whereas in the past, knowledge was stored in books and on paper. Do you think the advantages of this situation outweigh its disadvantages?

Some people think that people who immigrate to a new country should accept the new culture as their own rather than remain in separate minority groups and live in different lifestyles. Do you agree or disagree?