Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #music #culture #ages

Some

people

believe that

music

helps bring

people

of different nationalities from all around the world and even different ages and generations. I completely agree with

this

suggestion. In the following paragraphs, I intend to outline the arguments

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

idea.

Firstly

music

also

well-known as a global language. The statistics demonstrate that approximately 35% of the listeners of famous

music

do not understand its meaning.

This

figure indicates that

people

do not care about the language of the song, and it is all about melody.

For instance

music

concerts and

music

festivals worldwide are the events with the

most

Correct word choice

largest

show examples

audience

Fix the agreement mistake

audiences

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. If famous singers like Drake and The Weeknd and

such

like decide to hold a concert in different cities around the globe, the tickets will be sold out quickly.

Furthermore

, there is various musical taste

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

the

people

. There is an article that says that like-minded

people

with the same

music

taste interact

easier

Rephrase

more easily

show examples

On the other hand

, some

music

is eternal. What I mean is different generations love these songs.

For example

, if you analyze Michael Jackson’s concert, you will realize there are no age restrictions.

People

between the age of 18-70 participate in

this

concert, and everybody enjoys it.

Moreover

, you can communicate with other

people

of various ages through

music

. You can talk about

music

, and you might share your playlist with them and recommend them to listen to the latest

music

and

likewise

. After having considered the aforementioned arguments in some depth, I have concluded that

music

and everything connected with it can be a good tool for communicating with different nations and generations.

This

proves that

people

do not care about the language or even the concept of

music

. They like its melody.

Submitted by sia_21gr on Wed Feb 09 2022

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the coherence of your essay.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural diversity
harmony
integration
bridging gaps
foster
ignite
embrace
communicate
celebrate
appreciate
inclusivity
universal language
emotional resonance
shared experiences
intercultural dialogue
intergenerational connections
cultural exchange
catalyst

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Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that it is good to share as much as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The process of producing drinking water by solar powered pump and filter

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however say that this would have little effect on public health and other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The provided illustration presents a comparison of the number of male and female participants in the Olympics from 1924 to 2012, as well as the overall number of participants over the same period.