Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some
people
believe that
music
helps bring
people
of different nationalities from all around the world and even different ages and generations. I completely agree with
this
suggestion. In the following paragraphs, I intend to outline the arguments
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
idea.
Firstly
,
music
is
also
well-known as a global language. The statistics demonstrate that approximately 35% of the listeners of famous
music
do not understand its meaning.
This
figure indicates that
people
do not care about the language of the song, and it is all about melody.
For instance
,
music
concerts and
music
festivals worldwide are the events with the
most
Correct word choice
largest
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audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
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in
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apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. If famous singers like Drake and The Weeknd and
such
like decide to hold a concert in different cities around the globe, the tickets will be sold out quickly.
Furthermore
, there is various musical taste
between
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among
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the
people
. There is an article that says that like-minded
people
with the same
music
taste interact
easier
Rephrase
more easily
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.
On the other hand
, some
music
is eternal. What I mean is different generations love these songs.
For example
, if you analyze Michael Jackson’s concert, you will realize there are no age restrictions.
People
between the age of 18-70 participate in
this
concert, and everybody enjoys it.
Moreover
, you can communicate with other
people
of various ages through
music
. You can talk about
music
, and you might share your playlist with them and recommend them to listen to the latest
music
and
likewise
. After having considered the aforementioned arguments in some depth, I have concluded that
music
and everything connected with it can be a good tool for communicating with different nations and generations.
This
proves that
people
do not care about the language or even the concept of
music
. They like its melody.
Submitted by sia_21gr on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the coherence of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
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