IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? and do you thinkg it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #thinkg #development
To make
people
 buy their product, many companies resort to intensive
advertsing
Correct your spelling
advertising
. During
this
 time and age, every product that has been released before undergoes some form of
refinery
Add an article
the refinery
a refinery
show examples
 at one point in time.
However
, for
people
 to get
this
 new item, the manufacturer has to entice
people
 to have it, claiming it has new additions.
This
 essay will determine why companies do so and whether it is a negative or positive
impact
. The reasons why businesses do emphasise on their new
additiongs
Correct your spelling
additions
addition
 is mostly due to the following reason. Primarily, they feel that any new additions made to it should be given out to
people
.
For example
, a phone producing company can
cliam
Correct your spelling
claim
 its recently released device is new simply because they have added one new feature or application to it
unlike
Add the comma(s)
,unlike
show examples
 the way it was before. Considering the outcome of
such
 claims, it is highly unlikely that positive results come to the fore. In my opinion,
this
 tends to become a negative development .
This
 is mainly due to the fact that despite these manufacturers knowing that hardly anything has changed about their items, they still want to deceive the masses
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
aquiring
Correct your spelling
acquiring
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
In other words
, every new feature should be able to have a significant
impact
 on
people
's lives if it is to be deemed as having a positive effect but if it doesn't,
then
 it is as good as not having any upgrade at all. To illustrate, if a phone's only new addition has been an ebook application
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 most
people
 would not even attempt to use in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lives,
then
 nothing has been added due to its trivial
impact
 on them. In conclusion, most businesses usually spend
alots
Correct your spelling
lots
a lots
 of money trying to make
people
 buy their product because
that is
 the only way they can get a profit from the items made.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of
this
, the target market are disadvantaged because that minute
additiong
Correct your spelling
addition
additions
 has little or no
impact
 on their lives.
This
 is why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe it offers no positive influence on
people
.
Submitted by rawlingskatongo89 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: