IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

#people #individuals #happiness #factors
A glance at
two
 pie charts illustrates a stark comparison in three main age groups in
two
 distinct countries namely
Yemen
 and Italy from 2000 to some projections of changes in 2050. Overall, it is predicted to see great shifts in age distribution in both
two
 countries with the dominance likely to belong to the 15-59 age group. In the
first
 year, while the data of
Yemen
 inhabitants from 0-14 years old was the most remarkable proportion with over 50, those people in Italy took up the least number at approximately 14,3. At the end of the scale, the most trivial part in
Yemen
 was accounted for by the information of the elders which made up a quarter in the breakdown of Italy. The overwhelming majority of both
two
 countries constituted by the figure for residents ranging from 15 to 59 with 46,3 and 61,6 respectively in 2000. In the subsequent half of the century, people predicted that the most noticeable proportion of the “15-59” group is going to belong to both
Yemen
 and Italy with 57,3 and 46,2 equivalently.
On the contrary
, baby and children’s data is foreseen that they tend to have an exponential decrease in an over 50-year period. In terms of the data of elder people, while that of
Yemen
 is projected to experience a marginal increase from 3,6 to 5,7, Italy’s number is likely to accelerate a half compared to itself in 2000.
Submitted by van.ngh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: