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Band 5

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT A GOOD DIET AND EXERCISE ARE NOT NECESSARY FOR A HEALTH AND LONG LIFE. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE

#people #diet #exercise #health #life
Being healthy is the most important thing in
life
. Without good
health
, people lose many important things in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
due to
 several unexpected reasons. As today becomes
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
 age, with the advanced technology and improvement, many types of equipment are invented for the ease of
everyday's
Change noun form
everyday
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life
 like ready-made fast food. Some people think that having junk food and living in office desk lifestyles do not have any impact on
health
. I strongly disagree with that point of view. First of all, a balanced
diet
 is the most important thing for
health
.
Although
 fast food is easily available and saves time cooking for the working people, it is not good for
health
. The perfect combination of nutrition is needed for a body to maintain the wellness of organs in the body. Without a balanced
diet
, the improvement of the brain will
also
 be damaged and it will affect the productivity and creativity of work. In fact, an unbalanced
diet
 makes us obese and unhealthy and
these result
Fix the agreement mistake
this results
show examples
 to visit the doctors to get medication. Another key benefit of staying healthy is having exercises which keep the body and mind fit. A person who goes jogging every morning will have good physical shape and mental fitness which is important for a job or a study. With a clear fit mind, the way of thinking is changed and it helps to make better decisions in important times compared to the one who is in
lazy
Correct article usage
a lazy
show examples
 bed.
For example
, my friend, an IT developer, always runs in the mornings before she works so that she
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 get a fresh mind and
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 clearly. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
healthy
life
 depends on what we take into our bodies and how much we sweat out. So, it is necessary to have a balanced
diet
 and do exercises to have a full prolonged
life
.
Submitted by maythinkyu31 on

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task response
Support your points with specific examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay, use linking words and phrases to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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