IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this, and suggest some solutions.

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Crimes rate in the youth population
gets
Verb problem
is
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 more and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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increasingly
Change the word
increasing
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 in many cities around the
world
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, the main reason for
crime
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 is unemployed people and the employment rate. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is high tax rates, government policies and the
education
Use synonyms
 system. Each
person
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 in the
world
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 needs vital needs which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 food, water, shelter, and insurance,
for reaching
Change preposition
To reach
show examples
this
Linking Words
 you need to get enough money for each payment. If you can not get enough payment for doing some jobs, because of that you will start to seek something
different
Add an article
a different
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 way to find the money. Except for that, there is another reason for
crime
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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your friends, family or neighbourhood. If you are living in some dangerous and
high rated
Add a hyphen
high-rated
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crime
Use synonyms
 area, there are two options for you, you need to join them and become like them or you will get a good
education
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 and stay away from these toxic people and become a clear one.
For solving
Change preposition
To solve
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem, each
person
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 should be responsible, you cannot say "
it
Capitalize word
It
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 is not my business". If you are able to help someone with any of kind problem you should do it for your own, for his/her and for your
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 sake. The criminal or being a good
person
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 comes from family, friends and
education
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. Someone can think about if
this
Linking Words
 problem comes from the government and their policies, the solution must
become
Verb problem
come
show examples
 from them. Wrong! School can teach you some new information but not some manners. The family should be responsible for that. Of course every day and every time we need to improve our
education
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 system and gain better opportunities but around the
world
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, some countries do not have these options because of their systems and financial situations. So we must be touching anyone's life and try to get their life better and change their vision. After that, they can do the same thing to someone else.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , every single
person
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 is responsible for the
crime
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, it does not matter which state, city or country you live in. You can change the
world
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. You can make it better. But if you ignore everybody and just focus on your own life, the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate will
be increase
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 more and more and the
world
Use synonyms
 will be a worse place than now.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the main topic and purpose of the essay. Additionally, provide a conclusion that effectively summarizes the key points and provides a sense of closure.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the reasons for increasing youth crime and suggested some solutions. However, there is a need for more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the solutions presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surge
  • productive activities
  • quality education
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • economic disparity
  • disadvantaged backgrounds
  • legitimate means
  • inclusive education
  • mentorship
  • community policing
  • youth engagement
  • early intervention
  • constructive pathways
  • social services
  • at-risk families
  • root causes
What to do next:
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