IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development

#advertisements #life #development
There is a tremendously controversial perspective heating up a debate whether
advertisements
 are becoming ever-popular in
this
 day and age.
This
 phenomenon has both pros and cons,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I would contend that its disadvantages cannot overshadow its advantages. Without a shadow of a doubt, advertising brings an immense influence on business development currently. In today’s modern society,
advertisements
 can promote the quality of
brand
Correct article usage
the brand
show examples
 and spread awareness of messages about their products and
then
 products can reach potential consumers.
For example
, H&M is an internationally acclaimed clothes shop, which always advertises their products’ quality on considerable pages or even sometimes they paste advertised posters about their brand in every area in Vietnam
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
 aspiring consumers to experience their clothes products.
Hence
,
advertisements
 play a paramount significant role in the development of every business in
this
 day and age. While the redeeming features of
advertisements
 are widely acknowledged,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 counterparts still linger. In an ever-changing society, there still are negative
advertisements
, which bring an immense influence on people’s psychology and lead to considerable inappropriate etiquette.
For instance
, there is an eclectic mix of
advertisements
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV program that have a wide range of violence and unsuitable sense for children’s psychology.
Therefore
, it is the main drive to violent tendencies of toddlers that brings a tremendously negative effect on
available
Correct pronoun usage
their available
show examples
 manners of them.
Thus
, the advantages of
advertisements
 still exist and contribute to considerable hazardous children’s code of conduct, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 cannot overshadow its counterparts. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements
 have both merits and demerits and it plays a paramount imperative role in people’ daily life.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
this
 phenomenon may do more good than harm.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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