IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that cooking is an essential life skill and should be taught to boys and girls in schools. Others disagree and believe it is a waste of school time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people claim that cooking should be taught to students in schools because it is an essential life
skill
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it’s just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of
school
Use synonyms
 precious time. In my opinion, cooking should be considered a mandatory subject in a
school
Use synonyms
 as it fosters the quality of becoming independent and healthy eating habits. I am going to discuss both viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, cooking is a fundamental life
skill
Use synonyms
 that everyone should possess regardless of gender. It develops the ability to prepare nutritious food.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teaching cooking promotes an understanding of nutrition and fosters healthier eating habits.
In addition
Linking Words
, cooking classes at
school
Use synonyms
 can help students to explore diverse cuisines, inculcating cultural understanding and appreciation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teaching cooking at
school
Use synonyms
 can promote healthy eating habits among learners at an early age.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 scenario would encourage schoolgoers to have healthy food by which the problem of obesity among young ones can be controlled to some extent. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
, Maplewood
School
Use synonyms
 of Regina introduced culinary learning as part of the curriculum by which
this
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
 reported a reduction in the chances of obesity at an early age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that the
school
Use synonyms
 curriculum is already overloaded with essential subjects like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 science, mathematics, and languages. Adding cooking classes might burden the students and divide their concentration on academic development.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some masses believe that cooking is a complex and
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 process which requires constant supervision
otherwise
Linking Words
 chances of injury can occur
due to
Linking Words
 the mild ignorance of the teacher.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is better to teach
this
Linking Words
skill
Use synonyms
 in the family environment under the guidance of parents.
To sum up
Linking Words
, cooking is a valuable life
skill
Use synonyms
 that always brings confidence in folks to cook anywhere anytime without any hesitation. It empowers creativity and cultural awareness.
Therefore
Linking Words
, implementing cooking education in schools
while
Linking Words
 being aware of maintaining balance with other important subjects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure there is logical progression throughout the essay. Ideas should flow smoothly and clearly from one to the next. While this essay has a clear logical structure, the flow can be further improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and restate the main topics effectively. However, try to avoid repetitive phrasing in your conclusion and make your final opinion stand out more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should begin with a clear main idea that is expanded upon with explanations, details, or examples. Work on elaborating your main points slightly further to enhance clarity and continuity of ideas.
task achievement
You addressed the task well with a clear position throughout the essay. To improve, ensure you fully extend and support your ideas. Provide deeper analysis or more detailed examples to back up your points.
task achievement
Keep ideas clear and comprehensive. Development of ideas is present but strive to make each point more impactful through careful explanation and exploration of the implications or significance of your arguments.
task achievement
Including relevant, specific examples is good for supporting your argument. The example you provided was helpful, but including more examples or a range of illustrative instances from different perspectives can further strengthen your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: