IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Compared to the past, more younger adults take medications for degenerative diseases. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Nowadays, a larger number of younger adults take medicine to overcome degenerative
diseases
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.There are some
reasons
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 why
this
Linking Words
 is happening and tangible examples can prove these
reasons
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. First of all, processed food is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 more common among families as their daily nutritional share than before.The incessant roar of modern living has made almost everyone too busy to have time to make homemade dishes which restrict their bodies from receiving vitamins and minerals necessary to stay healthy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many chemical artificial flavours and preservatives are added to these kinds of food to make them delicious and
last_longer
Correct your spelling
last longer
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is one of the most important
reasons
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 for degenerative
diseases
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along with
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of essential vitamins and minerals.
For instance
Linking Words
, young students who live in another city far from their hometown to study
in
Change preposition
at
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 university prefer to eat fast food in
chained
Replace the word
chain
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 restaurants rather than complimentary meals at their dorms.
This
Linking Words
 weakens their immune system and makes them ready for
such
Linking Words
diseases
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, air
pollution
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 is another tangible reason for degenerative
diseases
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.
pollution
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 has been recognised as a reason for cancer and other
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 illnesses.
Besides
Linking Words
, as more people are moving from rural areas to large cities in search of a better, more and more people are exposed to
this
Linking Words
 type of
pollution
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. Again,
this
Linking Words
 can result in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weak immunity leading to unknown
diseases
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as well as
Linking Words
 degenerative ones.
For example
Linking Words
, a taxi driver who drives in a special line downtown
breaths
Replace the word
breathes
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pollution
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 in his lounges over and over again every day, so there is no doubt why the number of younger people being infected with
such
Linking Words
diseases
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 is increasing. In conclusion, several
reasons
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 are behind
progress
Correct article usage
the progress
show examples
 in degenerative
diseases
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 in modern life these days. in
this
Linking Words
 ,essay some examples are
also
Linking Words
 provided to make these
reasons
Use synonyms
 more tangible for the reader.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. This will provide a roadmap for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you have a clear conclusion that summarizes the key points mentioned in your essay. This helps reinforce your argument and gives a strong finish.
task achievement
Clarify the effects of the factors discussed (like processed food and air pollution) on degenerative diseases with more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation to enhance the overall clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You provide relevant reasons for the increasing cases of degenerative diseases among younger adults, such as processed food and air pollution.
task achievement
Your use of examples helps to illustrate your points, making the argument more relatable to readers.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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