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Band 4

Some people think that educated people are more valuable than people who have learned skills through experience. Do you think that educated people are the most valuable for society? What kinds of skills can people learn through experience that can benefit society?

#people #skills #society #kinds #benefit
Undoubtedly, qualified
people
 are contributing more to the nation than skilled
people
, who
gained
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
 knowledge through
experienced
Replace the word
experience
show examples
. In my view, well informed society can bring
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of positive
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 and results to the surroundings. There are numerous opportunities, which can converted
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
worth
Replace the word
worthwhile
show examples
 experience for the uneducated Pupil.
This
 essay will discuss the opinions regarding
educated
Replace the word
education
show examples
 and
trained
Wrong verb form
training
show examples
 through
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
. Obviously,
knowledgeable
Add an article
the knowledgeable
show examples
 public
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital source to grow
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industries, businesses,
software
Correct word choice
and software
show examples
 technologies with their talent.
For instance
, intelligent competitors can execute the
companies
Change noun form
company's
show examples
 projects to the productive results and
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
. Eventually, it helps to develop
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
 scenario and
hence
overall
 country's economy.
Graduate trained
Add a hyphen
Graduate-trained
show examples
 and certified
student's
Change noun form
students
show examples
 get first priority to appear
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 tests
due to
 criteria.
However
, though there are experienced
people
 with sound characteristics, cannot apply to the potential jobs and opportunities because of no or poor academic record. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 intellectual
people
 can create good
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
,
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
boost financial
Planning’s
Change noun form
Planning
show examples
 and spread
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivated energy to the community.
On the other hand
, it has been seen that, mostly computer technology has been
contributing
Wrong verb form
contributed
show examples
 by highly certified
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
IT persons to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beginners. Basic
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
 skills would surely explore the job for those learners. Fields
such
 as arts, accountants,
music
Correct word choice
and music
show examples
 are
also
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
options for the needy one, who can take the
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
short term basis and implement them
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 the earnings by various functions. I admit,
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 the authorities promote
to enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the competency of persons based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professionalism, it would influence to
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
crimes
Change preposition
of crimes
show examples
, unemployment ,
poverty
Correct word choice
and poverty
show examples
. Poor background families will get
motivate
Change the verb form
motivated
show examples
 and inspire
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 to accomplish
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 dreams and goals. In conclusion,
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 informative generation is precious for the country, as they are the future of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Similarly
, knowledge sharing must do for the adding Capabilities to the
youngster's
Change the noun form
youngsters
youngster
show examples
.
This
 will support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to create equality in human beings.
Submitted by urvashi.rawal26 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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