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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents send their children abroad to study. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon.

#parents #children #study #phenomenon
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Nowadays, the majority of parents prefer their youngster's education in foreign countries. There are both pros and cons to
this
 trend. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both of them in upcoming paragraphs. There are myriad advantages to studying abroad.
To begin
 with, students get
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 quality of education
consequently
, they get good jobs and live a standard life.
For instance
, in many developing regions like Pakistan parents sacrifice their facilities of life and send their offspring abroad to achieve higher education. The percentage of individuals who give priority to
attain
Wrong verb form
attaining
show examples
 foreign degrees for their young ones is escalating day by day.
Secondly
, in those states
besides
 attaining degrees students
also
 come across many different languages which is very beneficial for their future success.
For example
, many people studying abroad learn English which is an international language. Owing to
this
 a
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 confidence level increases and feel independent. In spite of, these positive effects,
however
, there are some negative effects as well.
Firstly
, most youngsters feel upset when they are living far from their families and are suffering from homesickness ,
therefore
, they cannot concentrate on their studies. One clear example is that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of students after immigration for their studies can not study and work,
as a result
, they get very poor grades and ultimately
wastes
Correct subject-verb agreement
waste
show examples
 their time
as well as
 money. After having discussed the pertinent points, it can be inferred that
besides
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of going to foreign countries,
however
, there are some disadvantages as well. But parents should keep their children mature from the start and not spoon-fed them so that they can get
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of studying in other countries as well.
Submitted by drsanaghani on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.
coherence cohesion
Work on linking sentences and ideas more coherently to improve the overall flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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