IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most medical doctors want to work in cities where they will make a lot of money. Yet in many rural areas there are not enough doctors. What are the reasons for this problem? How can it be solved?

The
migration
Use synonyms
 of rural populations to urban areas
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a prevalent issue for the
last
Linking Words
 few decades. Medical professionals are
also
Linking Words
 not away
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend. For the search
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 better opportunities and facilities
relocation
Punctuation problem
, relocation
show examples
 from one place to another will
be continued
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
Rephrase
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem and
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
end
some
Punctuation problem
, some
show examples
 appropriate solutions will be presented.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the concentration of urbanisation causes various health problems,
due to
Linking Words
 which more medical doctors are required
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 to fulfil the requirement
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 stay and work in the cities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
transport
Correct article usage
the transport
show examples
 department survey shows that every year 8 million vehicles are added
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 city
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 increases the air
pollution
Punctuation problem
pollution,
show examples
hence
Linking Words
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to respiratory-related deceases.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 high per capita income in cities, doctors are able to charge a higher amount.
For example
Linking Words
, to build a sophisticated medical instrument huge amount is spent on research and development
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 its use in the treatment will increase the bill
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could be paid only by the urban
population
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, most of the medical institute is situated in cities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in the
migration
Use synonyms
 of the rural
population
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, mushroom development could be initiated all around the country to scatter development.
Such
Linking Words
 as, the opening of factories and special economic
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 will reduce
migration
Use synonyms
 and help the rural
population
Use synonyms
 to stay
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own place to get earnings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the establishment of medical institutes in the rural areas will provide opportunities for students to study in their hometowns
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the rural
population
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from treatment in these institutes. To illustrate, the AIIMS branch is opened all over India and various teachers and medical students perform their practice on a
day to day
Replace the word
day-to-day basis on
show examples
 patients who
visits
Correct subject-verb agreement
visit
show examples
 these institutes in the hope of treatment.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it is challenging to stop the
migration
Use synonyms
 of
rural
Correct article usage
the rural
show examples
population
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
if the above-suggested solutions are taken into consideration and implemented by the concerned
authorities
Punctuation problem
authorities,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem could be solved promptly.

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task response
Plan your essay first. Make a short list of the reasons and the ways to solve them before you write.
coherence
Use simple linking words and make one idea per paragraph. This helps flow.
task response
Give simple, clear examples for each idea and explain why they happen.
language
Fix grammar and use easy verb forms. Check spelling and word tests.
lexical
Keep the form steady. Use similar tone and avoid long, hard words.
structure
Clear plan and topic in place.
coherence
Uses order words like first, second, finally.
examples
Gives a real example (AIIMS) to show a point.
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