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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. What problems do it creates? How could this situation be improved?

#shops #supermarkets #area #situation
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From dawn of the time, individuals have bought their necessities from
shops
,
however
, in today’s climate, local
shops
 have trouble competing with larger
markets
 which has become a controversial minefield. It is a widely held view that
this
 can lead to difficulties for customers and
also
 financial problems, there do exist a number of measures that could play a key role in curbing the vexing
issue
 of local
shops
. The main
issue
 caused by closing the local
markets
 is difficulty in accessibility.
In other words
, even in megacities, there are a few large
markets
 in each
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
,
therefore
, it would be hard for citizens to access the
shops
 in case of emergency and in bad conditions. An illustration of
this
 fact is Berlin which is always snowy and rainy. If there were no local
shops
, it would cause significant trouble for city dwellers to commute in bad weather conditions. Another problem is that it can result in financial problems for local people. The more people lose their jobs, the more the country will be in recession.
That is
 to say, if people become jobless, their purchasing power will decrease. To address the
issue
 of closing small
shops
, there have been several solutions put forth, one of which could be an advertisement. Local
shops
 can advertise their products in different manners
such
 as radio or newspaper.
Furthermore
, they can offer provoking options like a discount or a kind of lottery that the one who won could buy certain things. Another solution is that the government should support new local
shops
 to
pass
Verb problem
address
show examples
 the initial problems. It is obvious that in the beginning
markets
 do not have many customers, and
consequently
, income. So, the government can help them by giving them loans. What can be concluded from the discussion revolving around the
issue
 of small
shops
' competition with large ones is that the authorities and advertising can have a significant role in solving the problem.
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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay into clear, identifiable paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. This will improve the logical flow and make your arguments easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction that outlines the topic, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and findings, providing a clear stance or solution to the problem discussed.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Make sure your response is complete and fully develops each point. It helps to carefully analyze the question and plan your answer.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your ideas by defining them clearly and avoiding vagueness. This makes your response more comprehensive and understanding for the reader.
task achievement
Try to include more specific, real-world examples to substantiate your arguments. This adds credibility and relevance to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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