IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
Nowadays, it is evident that the population of many countries is rapidly increasing with young blood. While the population of the older communities is decreasing gradually. I think the topic holds a great level of significance on both sides but the advantages are far ahead in comparison to disadvantages.
This
 essay will discuss both merits and demerits in the following paragraphs. To embark with, there are several advantages to having a large number of
youngsters
.
First
 and foremost, men are very fond of information about how to use it in different areas.
Therefore
, the struggle can be effortlessly done within a few hours.
Moreover
,
youngsters
 have confidence and commitment level towards their work. Eventually, they have more capabilities and strength compared to old
age
 people.
For example
, 50% of the adults prefer to choose their own field and become successful in the future time while doing enormous hard work.
On the contrary
, there are two sides to a coin.
Firstly
, it will create unemployment if the population of adults is increasing.
However
, old
age
 people know various kinds of artwork effort which are very popular worldwide.
Secondly
, old
age
 has plenty of experience in many fields.
Hence
, they are very successful rather than adults because quality matters ,not quantity.
Lastly
, old
age
 ponder for the long-term investments apart from that ,
youngsters
 do not have thinking capacity so they are less effective and only think for the short-term gains. To conclude,
this
 essay has been explored from both sides with enough evidence which
finally
 allows me to pen down and state that experience of old
age
 people plays a vital role to become successful, but
youngsters
 have command over technological advancements. The implications support the view that
youngsters
 are much needed for a country to prosper despite having its flaws.
Submitted by rohitgohel2658 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: