Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some parents believe that

children

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who engage in outdoor

activities

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experience more benefits for their development than those who play

computer

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games

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. From my point of view, I agree with

this

Linking Words

idea for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs. I strongly believe that engaging in outdoor

activities

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benefits

children

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's development more than playing

games

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on the

computer

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Firstly

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, participating in outdoor

activities

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helps

children

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develop communication skills by interacting with friends who share the same interests.

Moreover

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children

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will learn how to socialize outside the home because there are many types of people in social settings.

Therefore

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children

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will learn which types of people they should talk to and which ones they should avoid.

Additionally

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, participating in various

activities

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such

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as exercise promotes good health.

For example

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, playing football, basketball, and swimming are all beneficial

activities

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. It is evident that many news reports online indicate that

children

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who spend less time playing

computer

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games

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have better eye health than those who play

games

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for extended periods.

Additionally

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, if

children

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have the opportunity to engage in various outdoor

activities

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, they may discover their

favorite

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favourite

show examples

activity

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. Once they have identified their

favorite

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favourite

show examples

activity

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, parents can support them in pursuing it

further

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, potentially leading to a career in the future. Even if the preferred

activity

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does not translate into a future job,

children

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will become experts in that

activity

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compared to others.

Thus

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children

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will understand which

activity

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is their strong suit. In conclusion, I personally agree with

this

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viewpoint because it seems evident to me that the benefits of engaging in outdoor

activities

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outweigh the drawbacks of playing

computer

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games

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in terms of development.

kran0630482559Wed May 08 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear and logical argument throughout, effectively addressing the topic. However, to enhance your score further, consider delving deeper into the nuances or contrasting viewpoints on the issue to showcase a more complex understanding.

coherence cohesion

You've done a good job in creating a cohesive and logically structured essay. To refine your work, you could focus on varying your transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs.

task achievement

Clear stance and comprehensive argument presented.

coherence cohesion

Logical structure and effective introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical development
Overall health
Coordination
Foster
Social skills
Teamwork
Mental well-being
Creativity
Exploration
Strategic thinking
Problem-solving
Hand-eye coordination
Sedentary lifestyles
Social isolation
Moderation
Balanced approach
Detract
Obesity
Poor posture

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Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Behaviour in schools is getting worse. Explain the cause of this problem and suggest some possible solutions

Nowadays, online shopping becomes more popular than in-store shopping. Discuss the positive and negative aspects of online shopping and give your own opinion about the topic.

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Prevention is better than cure” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?