Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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What works well
2Clear stance and comprehensive argument presented.
Logical structure and effective introduction and conclusion.
Improvement Suggestions
2Your essay presents a clear and logical argument throughout, effectively addressing the topic. However, to enhance your score further, consider delving deeper into the nuances or contrasting viewpoints on the issue to showcase a more complex understanding.
You've done a good job in creating a cohesive and logically structured essay. To refine your work, you could focus on varying your transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example