Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some parents believe that
children
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who engage in outdoor
activities
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experience more benefits for their development than those who play
computer
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games
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. From my point of view, I agree with
this
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idea for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs. I strongly believe that engaging in outdoor
activities
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benefits
children
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's development more than playing
games
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on the
computer
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.
Firstly
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, participating in outdoor
activities
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helps
children
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develop communication skills by interacting with friends who share the same interests.
Moreover
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,
children
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will learn how to socialize outside the home because there are many types of people in social settings.
Therefore
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,
children
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will learn which types of people they should talk to and which ones they should avoid.
Additionally
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, participating in various
activities
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such
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as exercise promotes good health.
For example
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, playing football, basketball, and swimming are all beneficial
activities
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. It is evident that many news reports online indicate that
children
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who spend less time playing
computer
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games
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have better eye health than those who play
games
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for extended periods.
Additionally
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, if
children
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have the opportunity to engage in various outdoor
activities
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, they may discover their
favorite
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favourite
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activity
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. Once they have identified their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
activity
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, parents can support them in pursuing it
further
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, potentially leading to a career in the future. Even if the preferred
activity
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does not translate into a future job,
children
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will become experts in that
activity
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compared to others.
Thus
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,
children
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will understand which
activity
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is their strong suit. In conclusion, I personally agree with
this
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viewpoint because it seems evident to me that the benefits of engaging in outdoor
activities
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outweigh the drawbacks of playing
computer
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games
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in terms of development.
Submitted by kran0630482559 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and logical argument throughout, effectively addressing the topic. However, to enhance your score further, consider delving deeper into the nuances or contrasting viewpoints on the issue to showcase a more complex understanding.
coherence cohesion
You've done a good job in creating a cohesive and logically structured essay. To refine your work, you could focus on varying your transitional phrases to ensure smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Clear stance and comprehensive argument presented.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and effective introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health
  • Coordination
  • Foster
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mental well-being
  • Creativity
  • Exploration
  • Strategic thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Social isolation
  • Moderation
  • Balanced approach
  • Detract
  • Obesity
  • Poor posture
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