some people think that the olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. others say the olympics is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.
In today modern’s age, the
Olympic
events
can be understood as an entertaining form in order to bridge the gap between different nations
. However
, there are others who hold the opposite that the investment is too waste to spend on the Olympic
games and that people should consider using the money for worthy purposes. From my perspective, I believe that it is useless to hold the Olympics
and the fund should be invested in better things which are beneficial.
Initially
, the reason why the community think the Olympics
should be held is due to
the effectiveness in terms of international diplomacy. In other words
, this
game is organized to enhance the relationship between nations
and thereby boost economic efficiency through tourism or supporting each other in terms of education, and military. Moreover
, this
show brings peace to nations
all over the world and helps people from other countries have an opportunity to communicate and exchange their points of view with others as well as
comprehend about traditions and cultures of other regions. To exemplify, a survey found that most nations
that take part in the Olympic
games as a global event have a better relationship than nations
which do not.
Another point worth considering is the argument of spending pay on holding the Olympic
games because they believe it is wasting that the Olympics
is held as the investment could be used for primary demands. It is true that the Olympics
do not bring clear benefits to the community other than increasing better relationships, but it is only the entertaining events
or to be blunt, it is useless for human life. For instance
, the payment spent on these events
could be spent on several issues such
as education, medical research, food or accommodation problems because it shows practical effectiveness, especially in poor countries and developing countries, holding this
game may be a burden for them due to
the huge expenditure. Hence
, the fund should be considered before being invested in this
game and it is worth being used for better purposes so as to bring benefits to each country.
In conclusion, despite the advantageous element of holding the Olympics
to the closeness of international relations, I strongly believe that the money is wasted and the funds invested in this
should be used for essential problems such
as health or education rather than wasting them in useless events
such
as the Olympics
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task achievement
You have shown a good understanding of the essay task and presented a clear position. To enhance your score in 'complete response' and 'clear comprehensive ideas', ensure that you discuss both views equally and thoroughly before stating your own opinion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your essay by providing concrete evidence for your points, increasing the score for 'relevant specific examples'.
task achievement
Try to maintain a balanced discussion until you present your opinion. This ensures a comprehensive exploration of the topic, reflecting an unbiased approach before stating your personal view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure and coherence. To further enhance it, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using varied linking words can also improve the flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the conclusion to ensure it summarises both views and your opinion, reinforcing the overall argument of the essay.
positive
Effectively bridged the gap between nations and international diplomacy - good use of topic relevance.
positive
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state your stance, providing a good structure.
positive
Successfully integrated some support for main points, which strengthens your argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.