Family members and friends caring for elderly people find it hard to spend enough time looking after them. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

Determining the reason for insufficient

time

to take care of the older generation and its solution is an ongoing debate. A close examination will clearly demonstrate the reason for the phenomenon and a method to solve it. First of all, one reason for the situation is that physical distance between families has increased

due to

intensive urban development.

For example

, in Korea, almost all education and job opportunities are concentrated in the capital

city

Thus

, young students and employees are moving to the

city

to find better options. In that case, seniors of the family stay in the suburbs or country

while

their kids leave the area.

Therefore

, young people feel that it is hard to spend

time

in order to meet older people because they should spend much

time

visiting family

due to

the broad distance between different areas.

However

, there is a feasible solution

for

Change preposition

show examples

the problem.

That is

a balanced development plan by the government.

For instance

, the nation can stop people from moving to the centralised

city

by developing other alternative regions that have various work and study opportunities. If that happens, future students and workers do not have to be relocated from families and homes, because they can get the chance in a closer region than the previously developed

city

Consequently

, young generations may

get

Verb problem

have

show examples

time

to care for seniors.

To sum up

, nowadays youths do not have adequate

time

to spend with their seniors because the distance between them is broadened.

As a consequence

, the nation can enhance accessibility by forming alternative developed cities.

Submitted by koriente on Thu Feb 17 2022

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task response

The essay adequately addresses the task question, discussing the causes of the problem and proposing relevant solutions. However, provide more in-depth analysis of the reasons and solutions for a higher score.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and provide a clear structure for the essay. Ensure that the body paragraphs are logically organized to enhance coherence further.

coherence and cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

demanding work schedules
flexible working hours
remote work options
geographical distance
frequent communication
relocation
adequate care
training programs
workshops
financial constraints
financial assistance programs
tax benefits
emotional and physical stress
support groups
respite care services

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Family members and friends caring for elderly people find it hard to spend enough time looking after them. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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