Family members and friends caring for elderly people find it hard to spend enough time looking after them. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?
Determining the reason for insufficient
time
to take care of the older generation and its solution is an ongoing debate. A close examination will clearly demonstrate the reason for the phenomenon and a method to solve it.
First of all, one reason for the situation is that physical distance between families has increased due to
intensive urban development. For example
, in Korea, almost all education and job opportunities are concentrated in the capital city
. Thus
, young students and employees are moving to the city
to find better options. In that case, seniors of the family stay in the suburbs or country while
their kids leave the area. Therefore
, young people feel that it is hard to spend time
in order to meet older people because they should spend much time
visiting family due to
the broad distance between different areas.
However
, there is a feasible solution for
the problem. Change preposition
to
That is
a balanced development plan by the government. For instance
, the nation can stop people from moving to the centralised city
by developing other alternative regions that have various work and study opportunities. If that happens, future students and workers do not have to be relocated from families and homes, because they can get the chance in a closer region than the previously developed city
. Consequently
, young generations may get
more Verb problem
have
time
to care for seniors.
To sum up
, nowadays youths do not have adequate time
to spend with their seniors because the distance between them is broadened. As a consequence
, the nation can enhance accessibility by forming alternative developed cities.Submitted by koriente on
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task response
The essay adequately addresses the task question, discussing the causes of the problem and proposing relevant solutions. However, provide more in-depth analysis of the reasons and solutions for a higher score.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and provide a clear structure for the essay. Ensure that the body paragraphs are logically organized to enhance coherence further.
coherence and cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that frame the discussion effectively.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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