IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

With the rapid advancement of communication technology: smart phones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advancement #communication #technology #phones #tablets #devices #people
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate whether technological
devices
 could bring more benefits than drawbacks to
people
’s life. I partially agree with
this
 statement. On the one hand, smart
devices
 can have a detrimental impact on
people
’s health if it is used in an unsuitable way. Users tend to spend long hours looking at the screen, which can make them easily get certain illnesses
such
 as short-sightedness and even blind. On top of that,
people
’s mental health could
also
 be affected negatively because of using technological
devices
 for too long.
For example
, many pieces of research indicate that the majority of
people
 suffering from many mental illnesses
such
 as depression and insomnia is caused by streaming in front of the screen for hours.
This
 would
also
 lead to stress, anxiety and did great harm to their cognitive function.
Therefore
, utilizing smart
devices
 in an inappropriate way would do great damage to
people
’s health.
On the other hand
, there still are many features of communication
devices
 that have a positive impact on
people
’s lives. Users could experience the convenience of these technologies when they have a demand for conversing with other
people
.
Instead
 of meeting up face to face, smart
devices
 could meet
people
’s need for communication by providing various choices of social applications.
This
 creates an opportunity for
people
 to call or have a conversation with others at any time during the day. Because these applications are mostly user-friendly,
people
 always find them easy to utilize whenever they need them.
For example
, because of the influence of the Covid-19 pandemic, many technological
devices
 are widely used for various purposes
such
 as working, studying and video calling.
This
 would avoid the widespread of
this
 disease and support
people
 to have conversations during quarantine.
Consequently
, users could enjoy unforeseen benefits from having technological
devices
. In conclusion,
although
 communication technologies still have many flaws, their upsides are still greater than that downsides.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: