IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #crimes #parents
Currently,there is a discussion on
this
 issue some people think when
children
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 crimes things they should be punished and other groups believe that
children
 should not get punished but their
parents
 have to get punished.In my humble opinion,the decision depends on the situation.
It's
Unnecessary verb
It
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 that if the
parents
 have taught their
children
 but the kids don't believe that I
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
children
 should get punished.
In contrast
, If the
parents
 have known about
this
happen
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
 but don't solve it
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
parents
 have to be punished.I will explain
this
 issue in to issue.
To begin
 , teenagers do something wrong and know
that is
 a bad thing but still do it. They need to punish. A good case in
this
 point,
last
Add a missing verb
is last
show examples
week
Change noun form
week's
show examples
 news in Thailand teenager 17 age who killed her grandmother because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money. She planned by herself and intended to do it.
Hence
, in
this
 ,case the
parents
 should not be punished but rather their child.
On the other hand
, some
parents
 should be punished because they never look after and teach their
children
.Sometimes the
children
 never know it is a wrong thing because they grow up it from family.
For example
, the boy hit the girl because he saw his father who did it with his mother.He has never known before
this
 is the wrong thing. In conclusion, I believe that who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to be punished depends on the situation.If the juvenile knows about these
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
wrong things and ,still do it
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they need to get punished.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 if the parent has never looked after their kids before the
parents
 should be punished.
Submitted by suchaya211 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a clear introduction that presents the topic and your position. Likewise, ensure that the conclusion summarises your main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows some coherence, but the structure could be improved by grouping related ideas together and using appropriate linking words and phrases. Additionally, the essay lacks clear and specific examples to support the arguments.
task response
You need to provide a more comprehensive response that addresses each aspect of the question. Develop your ideas with more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points and support your opinion.

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