These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is true that many kids these days tend to spend more time playing computer

games

Use synonyms

than doing sports.

This

Linking Words

kind of tendency is caused by some factors. In my view,

this

Linking Words

trend

Use synonyms

is a negative development for

this

Linking Words

society. On the one hand, with the development of technology, many people can use online devices,

for instance

Linking Words

, computers and cell phones with faster internet,

thus

Linking Words

, there are a lot of electrical devices in every house.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the younger generation can face those kinds of situations more than in the past, and they can easily get

along with

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

in modern society are very busy because of their subjects,

thus

Linking Words

, they have to save their wasted time.

Consequently

Linking Words

games

Use synonyms

that are not very limited in space and time have become one of the best means to play with friends.

However

Linking Words

, I believe

this

Linking Words

trend

Use synonyms

is unacceptable in

this

Linking Words

society.

To begin

Linking Words

with, it is true that a lot of activities are necessary to keep healthy,

therefore

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

in the past were quite healthy because they normally played and did sports outside.

However

Linking Words

Use synonyms

students

Add the comma(s)

students,

show examples

these days play computer

games

Use synonyms

with their friends,

instead

Linking Words

of doing

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

thus

Linking Words

, their health is getting worse.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they will struggle with various diseases,

such

Linking Words

as,

overweight

Add a missing verb

being overweight

show examples

Accordingly

Linking Words

, the government has to spend more money on the student's health.

Consequently

Linking Words

, they cannot invest enough money in other sectors, and their welfare will be poor. In conclusion,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

students

Use synonyms

tend to play computer

games

Use synonyms

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

sports. I believe

this

Linking Words

trend

Use synonyms

comes from various reasons and

this

Linking Words

trend

Use synonyms

will

cause

Verb problem

have

show examples

a negative influence on various aspects.

neinpairFri Feb 18 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples

Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific types of computer games or examples of health studies showing the impact of reduced physical activity.

clear comprehensive ideas

Some of the sentence structures are slightly awkward. Revise sentences for clarity. For example, consider rephrasing 'Consequently, they cannot invest enough money in other sectors, and their welfare will be poor.' to 'As a result, government resources that could be allocated to other sectors may be diverted to healthcare, affecting overall welfare.'

introduction conclusion present

The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing the essay and summarizing your position.

logical structure

Your ideas are well-organized and follow a logical structure, making it easy to follow your argument.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
accessibility
sophisticated marketing
addictive design
screen time
parental influence
safety concerns
indoor activities
social aspect
introverted
traditional sports
inadvertently
capture children's attention

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is true that adding effects in the advertisement is very necessary. This approach has contributed so much to giving customers an in-depth, objective view of the product. But everything has both negative and positive.
5.5
band
You are interested in attending a training course abroad but require financial support to do so. Write a letter to the education department requesting financial assistance. ▪️Introduce yourself ▪️Describe the training course and how it would benefit your work ▪️Explain why you need financial assist ance.
My name is Keyhan Ebrahimi and I am working in ground handling (GH) department for about 10 years. I am writing to request fund in order to participate in Dangerous Goods (DG) course which will be held on Germany on 20th of April.
6.5
band
Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that developed countries should accommodate more refugees and assist them with their food and housing. This essay completely disagrees with this statement because it results in the rise of crime rate and also being a tax burden for taxpayers.
5.5
band
It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As people’s attention to disease has increased, whether to provide help to healthy people or patients has become a debatable issue in modern society. Although support for patients can be needed due to the difficulties in both cures for diseases and monetary issues, I firmly believe that contributing more finance to healthy people is further meaningful as a solution to reduce chronic disease rates, and as a proactive measure to prevent potential disease generation.
6.5
band
In many countries today,the eating habits and lifestyles of children are different from those of previous generation.some people say this have had a negative effect on their health.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Some people assert that personal preferences in food and hobbies of children have adversely changed, affecting their health stance from the last decades onward all over the world due to the abundance of fast food in conjunction with the technology advancement to which I firmly agree.

These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries today,the eating habits and lifestyles of children are different from those of previous generation.some people say this have had a negative effect on their health.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?