IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Governments should spend more money on medical research and less on researching the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #research #environment
The benefit we acquire because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical development is the reason why people are now living longer than they used to. How much it is going to be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 advantage for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 is under debate.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of the given topic and a personal opinion will be given in the end. Medicine has been the root of any advance in
society
 as the health of its members highly depends on it. Its enhancement has prolonged the
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 of people much more than it did in the past. The positive effect of it can be improved health of leaders and professionals who serve the
society
 flourishing. Experience has always played a great role and medicine can help experienced employees to be under a better quality of services.
However
, there may be some drawbacks of it in terms of
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation as they find it difficult to get a job because of the lack of vacancy in both governmental and private sectors. It can lead to the wrong circulation of the system and cause
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 circumstances for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Moreover
, not all old people are professionals and they need more care as they get old. It costs a great deal for any family and a government to supply that care for the old both medically and financially. In conclusion, though it may appear to be attractive at
first
 sight, improved medical care probably causes more drawbacks than positive impacts. But, in terms of wise planning, there may be worthy alternatives to make it useful.
Submitted by Weallneedit9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: