IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it. This, they argue, leads to a more satisfying working life.
To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #career #path #lives #life
A lot of people determine their
career
 paths at an early age and keep to it. The proponent of
this
 view believes that being able to decide a
career
 trajectory early in
life
 leads to a more satisfying working
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
. Based on examples of my personal experiences, I disagree with the proposed argument. As numerous things could happen in a person's
life
, changing
career
 is often inevitable and does not mean it will create a less
statisfying
Correct your spelling
satisfying
 work environment.
Firstly
, our knowledge and skills are evolving throughout our lives.
Consequently
, an aspiration that we had when we were younger might not be relevant
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the current situation of our
life
.
For instance
, I once wanted to be a singer because I loved to sing.
However
, as I grow up I learn that my voice is not spectacular and I am better off
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 a statistician.
Secondly
, our perceptions and values on things around us often shift as we learn more in
life
.
As a result
, a particular job that we dreamed of would not be suitable anymore.
For example
, many people who live a busy
life
 decided to leave their jobs because they found out that they were not happy
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 doing their work anymore. They often look for
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more fulfilling for them. The new environment
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them happier and improve their well-being. In conclusion, evidence shows that deciding a
career
 path at a young age and keeping to it does not always lead to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better working
life
. Frequently, changing
career
 is more desirable and provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
greater
life
 satisfaction.
Submitted by wsari on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: