IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the police should carry guns because this can make people protected, while others think the police should not carry guns because the police with guns will lead to more violent crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #police #guns #crimes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 stable society, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 have
thinking
Change the verb form
thought
show examples
 about whether the
police
Use synonyms
 should take
guns
Use synonyms
 when they catch
criminals
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 said the cop should have a gun because the security of citizens must be safeguarded.
However
Linking Words
, others believe the
guns
Use synonyms
 cannot be carried when
police
Use synonyms
 work, on account it could cause more crimes when there is a gun in their hand there are two reasons why the person is safe as
police
Use synonyms
 carry
guns
Use synonyms
. The
first
Linking Words
 one is that
guns
Use synonyms
 can frighten
criminals
Use synonyms
. When the offender sees the gun
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 the cop, their spirit may be influenced, which can make them afraid. The criminal will not act blindly.
In addition
Linking Words
, offenders are about to be controlled quickly if they want to hurt or attack citizens. The cop can subdue
criminals
Use synonyms
 by using their
weapons
Use synonyms
 to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 are harmed. In extreme situations,
police
Use synonyms
 even kill the perpetrator. Those who are in support of the
weapons
Use synonyms
cannot
Correct pronoun usage
that cannot
show examples
 be taken by the policeman may argue
this
Linking Words
 action can cause more violence.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they are oversimplifying the situation. The carrier can hide the
weapons
Use synonyms
 out of the perpetrator’s eye， which can still reduce the awareness of
criminals
Use synonyms
. At the same time, the emotion of offenders will not be intensified due to the hidden
guns
Use synonyms
 so that they could do some action extreme. So the amount of violence and crime does not increase. In a word, the proponents and opponents have their reason they support.
However
Linking Words
, through the above discussion, we can know the advantage overweight the disadvantages
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 policemen
carry
Wrong verb form
carrying
show examples
weapons
Use synonyms
. And
police
Use synonyms
 can use some specific method to make
criminals
Use synonyms
 cannot see the
weapons
Use synonyms
. So I believe that the
police
Use synonyms
 should take the
guns
Use synonyms
 to protect the
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 450617532 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: