IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is sometimes suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#school #children #vegetables #animals #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Primary school pupils should be taught how to grow vegetables and keep pets. In my opinion, it has more pros than cons. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will outline my view of
this
Linking Words
 point.
Firstly
Linking Words
, kids who learn to keep animals or grow plants will become more responsible persons, in the future.
For example
Linking Words
, a study which has been conducted by researchers illustrates that children whose
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 own a dog in their home have more responsibility than ones who don't. When they become mature individuals, they will have less trouble at work.
Also
Linking Words
, growing a plant is the same.
Secondly
Linking Words
, not only spending time with pets and vegetables
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 various impacts on their personality in the future, but
also
Linking Words
 has a lot of effects on their present character. kids are much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
happier when they try to take care of an animal or a flower.
For instance
Linking Words
, some students don't like to go to their schools. They're not into studying, but a little creature or a pretty flower can make them more enthusiastic about school. Now, they enjoy being in it and playing with their
fridens
Correct your spelling
friends
 and them. If pupils have passion about coming to their classes, they will study harder.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will have more opportunities
for entering
Change preposition
to enter
show examples
 the best colleges and universities in the forward years.
To sum up
Linking Words
 everything that has been stated so far, there are a majority of benefits when kids
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 taught to protect
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
alive
Correct word choice
living
show examples
 creature. Most of them will become responsible, kind, reliable, and happy adults. They are going to respect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our environment and planet and will teach their babies to be like them.
Submitted by aylarsheikholeslami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present in your essays. The introduction should introduce the topic and provide an overview of the main points to be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the key points and restate your opinion.
task response
Make sure to address the prompt fully by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teaching children to grow vegetables and keep animals. Provide more balanced arguments by considering potential drawbacks as well as benefits.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: