IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #advertisements #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #ads
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In some communities, the number of advertisements
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 try to persuade kids to purchase different
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
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 like snacks and toys
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been peaked.
On the other hand
,
parents
 reckon that they are not fair. Personally, I am an advocate of
parents
opinion
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opinions
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. In
this
 essay, I will outline both ideas and would like to
further
 explain my point of view.
Firstly
, it is completely clear that these various ads have been conducted by companies for earning a plethora of money. They know that they can affect
on
Change preposition
apply
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children to force their
parents
 to buy them their products.
Although
, in my opinion, it is not a correct way for selling their items, it has some advantages.
For example
, a survey which has been conducted by researchers
,
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apply
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 illustrates that
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 who play lego in their childhood will become more creative in the future.
As a result
,
this
 creativity can help them to act better than others when they start to work.
Furthermore
, there are mothers and fathers who refuse to agree with these ads. Because when babies like a particular thing, they want it as soon as possible. But, it can have many disadvantages.
For instance
, some
parents
 for a good upbringing don't buy them anything they want. Some kids start to yell and cry.
Also
, it might cause ruining the relationship between
parents
 and children. To sum up, everything that has been stated so far, I think governments should lower the number of advertisements.
Parents
 should have the opportunities to supply their babies with items that they prefer.
Submitted by aylarsheikholeslami on

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