In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #advertisements #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #ads

In some communities, the number of advertisements

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

try to persuade kids to purchase different

merchandises

Fix the agreement mistake

merchandise

show examples

like snacks and toys

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

been peaked.

On the other hand

parents

reckon that they are not fair. Personally, I am an advocate of

parents

opinion

Fix the agreement mistake

opinions

show examples

. In

this

essay, I will outline both ideas and would like to

further

explain my point of view.

Firstly

, it is completely clear that these various ads have been conducted by companies for earning a plethora of money. They know that they can affect

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children to force their

parents

to buy them their products.

Although

, in my opinion, it is not a correct way for selling their items, it has some advantages.

For example

, a survey which has been conducted by researchers

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

illustrates that

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

who play lego in their childhood will become more creative in the future.

As a result

this

creativity can help them to act better than others when they start to work.

Furthermore

, there are mothers and fathers who refuse to agree with these ads. Because when babies like a particular thing, they want it as soon as possible. But, it can have many disadvantages.

For instance

, some

parents

for a good upbringing don't buy them anything they want. Some kids start to yell and cry.

Also

, it might cause ruining the relationship between

parents

and children. To sum up, everything that has been stated so far, I think governments should lower the number of advertisements.

Parents

should have the opportunities to supply their babies with items that they prefer.

Submitted by aylarsheikholeslami on Sun Feb 20 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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