IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The drawbacks of smoking are generally known by
people
Use synonyms
,
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however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there are still many
people
Use synonyms
 who live without changing
this
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 bad habit. The following will discuss the factors and how can we deal with
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, peer pressure may be the main reason why so many
people
Use synonyms
 continue smoking. As smoking is a substance addiction
that is
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 very hard to get off the hook once you take a small bite, peer pressure may be the reason
which
Correct word choice
that
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 forces you to start the first step.
For example
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, friends who smoke may laugh at those who don’t smoke,
thus
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 it causes
people
Use synonyms
 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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try smoking as they don’t want to be isolated.
Consequently
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,
people
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getting
Verb problem
apply
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indulged
Wrong verb form
indulge
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 in smoking and have trouble stopping it. To overcome the issue, the government should take an important role. As the government have the power to control and supervise the market, it can create some law banning the sale of cigarette in the country or
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
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 the price of cigarette.
Moreover
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, the government can advertise more about the dangers of smoking and teach the citizens ,especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers that smoking is harmful,
it’s
Correct word choice
and it’s
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 not a good deal to influence others and smoke. In
this
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 way, the right behaviour and healthy lifestyle can be taught to
people
Use synonyms
 which may reduce the number of smokers. In conclusion, smoking is an addiction and giving up smoking is really a tough job. So a useful way to reduce smoking is to stop it from the beginning. By reducing the channel of getting cigarettes and imposing more slogans about the negative impact of smoking, I believe more
people
Use synonyms
 will say no or give up smoking.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and provides supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Provide a clear and comprehensive response to all parts of the question, ensuring that your examples are relevant and well-developed.
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