IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#dangers #people #habit #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The drawbacks of smoking are generally known by
people
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there are still many
people
Use synonyms
 who live without changing
this
Linking Words
 bad habit. The following will discuss the factors and how can we deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, peer pressure may be the main reason why so many
people
Use synonyms
 continue smoking. As smoking is a substance addiction
that is
Linking Words
 very hard to get off the hook once you take a small bite, peer pressure may be the reason
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 forces you to start the first step.
For example
Linking Words
, friends who smoke may laugh at those who don’t smoke,
thus
Linking Words
 it causes
people
Use synonyms
 to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
try smoking as they don’t want to be isolated.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
getting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
indulged
Wrong verb form
indulge
show examples
 in smoking and have trouble stopping it. To overcome the issue, the government should take an important role. As the government have the power to control and supervise the market, it can create some law banning the sale of cigarette in the country or
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 the price of cigarette.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government can advertise more about the dangers of smoking and teach the citizens ,especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers that smoking is harmful,
it’s
Correct word choice
and it’s
show examples
 not a good deal to influence others and smoke. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the right behaviour and healthy lifestyle can be taught to
people
Use synonyms
 which may reduce the number of smokers. In conclusion, smoking is an addiction and giving up smoking is really a tough job. So a useful way to reduce smoking is to stop it from the beginning. By reducing the channel of getting cigarettes and imposing more slogans about the negative impact of smoking, I believe more
people
Use synonyms
 will say no or give up smoking.
Submitted by hhhhelen.poon on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and provides supporting details and examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Provide a clear and comprehensive response to all parts of the question, ensuring that your examples are relevant and well-developed.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: