IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #grandparents #generation #lack #exercise #computer #games #sites #tv #time
Nowadays youngsters from well wages families, are more interested in
use
Change the form of the verb
using
show examples
 their spare time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the screens, either playing computer games and social media or watching TV
then
 working out. In
this
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I will discuss both points of view and give reasons for why I agree with
this
 statement. ,
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
 in our society, most people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 induced since very young ages, to use gadgets
such
 as computers, iPods and phones when they should learn to develop physical skills.I believe
this
 is parents responsibility and could create unhealthy habits
such
eating
Change preposition
as eating
show examples
 fast food and make them gain weight, at the same time, that make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
have less discipline get used to having whatever they want, whenever they want, so they become relaxed and less active.
In addition
 to these, children become addicted to computer games, which make them less social because they refuse the interaction with others,due to their main interest is to be in their own space their activities by themselves. On the other ,hand some people believe that computers games help children to develop computer skills while improving problem resolution responses and IT knowledge. To sum up, I can say that it is essential for children to develop motor skills to build a healthy lifestyle.
Submitted by eriujaldon on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: