IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays youngsters from well wages families, are more interested in
use
Change the form of the verb
using

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb use. Consider changing it.

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 their spare time
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 the screens, either playing computer games and social media or watching TV
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 working out. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay

The noun phrase essay seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 I will discuss both points of view and give reasons for why I agree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 statement. ,
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Actually. Consider adding a comma.

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 in our society, most people
is
Change the verb form
are

The verb is does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 induced since very young ages, to use gadgets
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as computers, iPods and phones when they should learn to develop physical skills.I believe
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is parents responsibility and could create unhealthy habits
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
eating
Change preposition
as eating

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 fast food and make them gain weight, at the same time, that make them
to
Change the verb form
apply

It appears that the verb to have should be in the bare infinitive form. Consider removing to from in front of this verb.

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have less discipline get used to having whatever they want, whenever they want, so they become relaxed and less active.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 to these, children become addicted to computer games, which make them less social because they refuse the interaction with others,due to their main interest is to be in their own space their activities by themselves. On the other ,hand some people believe that computers games help children to develop computer skills while improving problem resolution responses and IT knowledge. To sum up, I can say that it is essential for children to develop motor skills to build a healthy lifestyle.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • leisure activities
  • digital technology
  • urban living
  • academic pressure
  • distractions
  • tech-savvy
  • exercise-oriented apps
  • fitness and health awareness
  • gym workouts
  • cycling
  • yoga
  • inactive lifestyles
  • generational differences
What to do next:
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