IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Government should spend more money on medical research and less on researching the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #research #environment
Nowadays, it is true that the
government
 spend a lot of financial resources
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 medical
research
instead
Change preposition
of environment
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
research
.
However
, I am of the opinion that
environment
research
 should
been
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 paid more than medical
research
 and I try to explain my opinion in my essay.
Firstly
, both of the researches depend on each other and if the plant in over
environment
die
Change the verb form
dies
show examples
,
then
 there will not creep from medical
research
 because the most of
medicine
Add a missing verb
is prepare
show examples
prepare
Change the form of the verb
prepared
show examples
 from plants.
Secondly
Add a comma
,
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it is consequences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if we harm the
environment
 consequence will be very bad because
chain
Add an article
the chain
a chain
show examples
 of life
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
planet
 depends on
state
Add an article
the state
show examples
 of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and if the
environment
 will be harmed all alive creatures will die.
Thirdly
, if the
environment
 will be harmed or destroyed
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
planet
 cataclysms will begin
for instance
 earthquakes,
sun
Add an article
the sun
show examples
 will
burns
Change the verb form
burn
show examples
 our
planet
, extinction of life
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
planet
. We
also
 should protect our
environment
 by planting trees, throwing trash in the trash cans and doing everything in our power.
However
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
 should more allocate funds but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should donate for medical
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 because in 21 century we have a lot of diseases and for
healing
Add a comma
,healing
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 diseases
government
 should spend money for the development of
medicine
for example
 if
medicine
 does not develop, humanity will have big problems in the face of cancer, HIV infection, diabetes mellitus and especially COVID-19. To avoid these problems the
government
 should develop
medicine
. To conclude, I would
stay
Correct your spelling
say
show examples
 that the
government
 should donate more to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
research
 than medical
research
 but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not forget about medical development.
Submitted by Weallneedit9 on

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