IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should be taught how to become good parents at school. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no doubt that many adults feel unprepared to assume a parental role.
While
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 many people believe that
children
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 should learn how to become good
parents
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 at
school
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, others argue that
such
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 skills cannot be developed at an early age. I completely agree with the latter statement and
this
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 essay will support my view with examples.
Firstly
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, kids are
immature
Rephrase
too immature
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 to understand highly complex tasks that
parents
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 should daily do.
This
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 is because the majority of these tasks, especially the most important one which is to properly educate the child to
well
Add a missing verb
do well
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 behave in different occasions, require years of experience that can only be acquired by living.
For example
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,
children
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 will only learn how to behave in certain situations,
such
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 as eating in a restaurant or discussing with older people, when following their
parents
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’ examples.
Therefore
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, in order to learn how to become good
parents
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, kids should have a strong figure to follow.
Additionally
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, not every child
plan
Correct subject-verb agreement
plans
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 to have kids in the future, so including a subject related to
this
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 function for all of them at
school
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 can be pointless.
Due to
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 the necessity of providing
children
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 with enough knowledge for their professional careers, schools’ schedules should occupy students’ time with useful subjects to prepare them for the University level.
For instance
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, students do not need to know how to properly raise a child to be accepted at a prestigious university,
although
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, they should know about geography, history and physics.
Consequently
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, students must focus on their professional future at
school
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,
while
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 life itself will teach them how to become trustful
parents
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 at a proper time.
To sum up
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, even though many people believe that
children
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 should develop skills to become good
parents
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 at
school
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, in my opinion, they need to focus on their professional goals at
this
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 stage. At
school
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,
children
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 are immature to learn about something that only years of experience can properly teach.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well presented and clear. They appropriately frame the essay discussion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph follows a logical structure with a clear main idea, however, ensure to make smooth transitions between ideas for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with relevant explanations and examples, but consider giving more detailed and specific examples to further support your ideas.
task achievement
Your response covers all parts of the prompt. Your opinion is evident throughout the essay and you provide a relevant conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas but needs more thorough development and connectivity for more effective web of ideas.
lexical resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively and to enhance the quality of your essay.
grammatical range
Ensure the correct usage of grammatical structures. Minor grammatical errors can hinder the clarity of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Parenting skills
  • Childcare
  • Life skills education
  • Empathy
  • Responsibility
  • Family dynamics
  • Cultural practices
  • Inclusivity
  • Social development
  • Community responsibilities
  • Curriculum
  • Teaching methodologies
  • Holistic education
  • Age-appropriate
  • Emotional intelligence
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