IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

he given tables show the amount of money earned by five European countries by selling Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in the years 1994 and 2004.

he given tables show the amount of money earned by five European countries by selling Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in the years 1994 and 2004.
#tables #show #amount #money #five #european #countries #coffee #bananas #years
Some people argue that
instead
 of reading
children
 should spend more time in other active leisure
activities
 because
such
activities
 facilitate the development of more life
skills
 as compared to reading
books
. I agree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will discuss my opinion in detail with examples.
Firstly
, active pastime helps in
Add an article
the all-round
show examples
all-round
Correct your spelling
all-around
show examples
 development of
children
. Nowadays,
children
 are dealing with high academic pressure; they have more academic subjects to study and
after hour
Add a hyphen
after-hour
show examples
 classes to attend.
Consequently
, they become academically proficient;
however
, they lack other
skills
.
Therefore
, spending time in other leisure
activities
such
 as sports and craft help them to develop physically mentally, emotionally, and cognitively.
Secondly
,
children
 come to realize their area of interest
while
 they are engaged in fun
activities
.
For instance
,
children
 can find out whether they are more interested in music, sports, or craft.
Consequently
, they can start polishing the
skills
 associated with their area of interest and can
also
 choose that interest as their career in future.
On the other hand
, reading helps in developing language
skills
 in
children
. when
children
 read, they learn
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of new words which benefit them
while
 they communicate with other people either verbally or in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
written form.
Additionally
, reading
books
also
 helps to develop the imagination power of
children
.
For instance
, when
children
 read
story
Add an article
a story
show examples
 book, they imagine the characters of that story by themselves.
Thus
, it helps in enhancing their range of imagination and creativity. T
To conclude
,
although
 reading
books
 have various undeniable benefits;
however
, the advantages of
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 pastime weigh more comparatively. Leisure
activities
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 in
all round
Add a hyphen
all-round
show examples
 development of
children
 which is not possible by reading
books
 only.
Submitted by johaljassi10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, consequently, for instance, however, such, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, activities, skills, books with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: