IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many believe that it is important to protect all wild animals, while others think that it is important to protect some, not all of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#animals
Determining the validity of protections for wild
animals
 is an ongoing debate among
people
. Some believe that protecting all of them is needed,
whereas
 others think that only some wild
animals
 should be saved. A close examination of those claims will clearly demonstrate which is a better option for wild
animals
.
First,
some advocate that
people
 should save only some wild
animals
.
For example
, they only preserve some endangered species, not normal
animals
 like deer and lions. At first glance,
this
 suggestion seems like it can affect the
ecosystem
 and food chain positively since
people
 give freedom as much as possible.
However
,
this
 claim did not consider human effects like hunting in the wild. No matter how protected endangered
animals
 are, another species will be extinct in the end if
people
 do not manage and protect wildlife effectively.
Thus
, we need to find another alternative since
this
 suggestion is not valid with the goal of preserving the entire
ecosystem
.
Second,
other
people
 suggest that one alternative for wild
animals
 is protecting all wild creatures, not only some of them.
For instance
, as governments do in a national park, not only the
method
 can preserve creatures that can become extinct but
also
 other
animals
 like both prey and predator, deer and lions. There is no doubt that the
method
 can allow all
animals
 to interact with each other, not allowing changes in the population of wildlife
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
’s
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 on the
ecosystem
. Indeed, Population change by those
animals
 can be balanced naturally and it is sustainable if there is a healthy
ecosystem
.
Therefore
, I support
this
method
 more than another
method
 because it is a better option to protect wildlife and nature.
To sum up
, I back the idea that we should protect all wild
animals
 for the reason that it can make the entire food chain healthier rather than the idea that
people
 need to save only some
animals
.
Submitted by koriente on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure there is a clear main idea in each paragraph, supported by appropriate explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should provide a clear overview of the main points that will be discussed in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically, with clear progression from one point to the next, and use a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is relevant and covers the requirements of the prompt.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas with detailed, specific, and relevant examples and explanations to add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Give a conclusive statement that effectively summarizes your opinion and the argument presented in your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural habitats
  • ecological balance
  • biodiversity
  • confinement
  • natural stimuli
  • psychological problems
  • genetic homogeneity
  • environmental changes
  • adapt and evolve
  • survival of the fittest
  • social structures
  • communication patterns
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