IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important element in a person’s life is their work. Without a satisfying career, life is meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Work is one of the most crucial factors in people's lives. Everybody wants to achieve success and satisfaction. Values
such
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 as family, friends and love are not the same as being fully fulfilled by ourselves.
Therefore
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, there is a question
what
Change preposition
of what
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 is more significant in the world? On the one hand, a fabulous career could be somebody's purpose in life. Of course, it is connected with money, luxury and a high level in society. Hard work is extremely worth
and
Correct pronoun usage
it and
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 gives fulfilment. Especially if people are able to do something that significantly
interested
Wrong verb form
interests
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 them and
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is their cup of tea. It is commonly known that very often humans
devoted
Wrong verb form
devote
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 their lives to work.
Furthermore
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, without
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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it
Punctuation problem
it,
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 they could feel that their existence means nothing.
Moreover
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, it is believed that pure cheeriness is connected with self-fulfilment.
On the other hand
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, a lot of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 population who are focused only on their careers forget about other values. After achieving success often
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
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 lonely and lost in the world. They
realized
Change the spelling
realised
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 that even if they have an enormous house, plenty of money and the possibility to travel around the
world
Punctuation problem
world,
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 they are completely alone and are not able to enjoy
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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 whatever they do.
Moreover
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, they begin to want someone with whom they can share their existence.
To sum up
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, I would like to say that for
me
Punctuation problem
me,
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 the most important part of life is obviously a career.
However
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, people should not forget about other values and try to have a great balance between their job and social activity.

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task achievement
State a clear view at the start and keep it. Do not change your mind in the middle.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should have one main idea that links to your view.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or simple details to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Check grammar: verb forms and punctuation, especially comma use.
task achievement
The essay shows a stance and tries to answer the question.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Some linking words help the flow between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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