Some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts

There is currently a contentious argument over whether it is true that the government funds the

arts

rather than other crucial aspects or not. I strongly agree with

this

opinion that a part of the state's budget should be spent on the

arts

due to a vast range of reasons and some of them will be addressed in

this

essay. The main reason why I support

this

idea is that different types of

arts

play a pivotal role in protecting the culture.

This

is a fact that not only our cultural identity

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

our historical identity depends on the

arts

consequently

, we should put a premium on the art's aspects more and more.

For instance

, in Iran, the local languages have been survived by some poets for thousands of years. Another reason why I strongly advocate

this

notion is based on the fact that the businesses which are working in

this

field would fail to fulfil if the state neglected to help them by funding them.

Therefore

, the government ought to allocate a particular part of its budget to the art businesses to

resque

Correct your spelling

rescue

them from bankruptcy,

otherwise

, an enormous number of employees who are working in

this

major will be made redundant.

For example

, a recent study in Iran indicates that

aproximately

Correct your spelling

approximately

20 per cent of corporations associated with the

arts

are completely dependent

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

govenmental

Correct your spelling

governmental

government

funding and subsidies. In conclusion,

although

some people argue that spending money on the

arts

is not as practical as other majors, I completely believe that

this

expenditure is totally necessary for our society because our cultural issues and some part of our financial problems depend on it.

Submitted by elnazkarimi1386 on Wed Feb 23 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enriching society
promoting cultural understanding
development of talent
creative industries
economic benefits
generate revenue
cultural heritage
identity
prioritize spending
needs of the majority

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