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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for and accept what their children want to do. Is this good for children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up?

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It seems to be so ubiquitous now that many
parents
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 always try to indulge their
children
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 with whatever they want. From my perspective, these actions can spoil the child and have so many detrimental effects on their future development.
To begin
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 with, overindulgence is a poor choice of rearing for some reasons. First and foremost, kids need to learn through reward and punishment.
In other words
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, they should be rewarded for their own success as a source of future motivation and punished if they do something wrong. If we do not educate them in these ways, they cannot comprehend the difference between right and wrong, become rude, ignorant, and, in some cases, develop into thoughtless individuals.
For example
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, when kids pester adults to buy them their
favorite
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favourite
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 toys just because others own the same ones,
then
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 they are satisfied.
As a result
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, every time they desire to own new things, they will persist in ordering from their
parents
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 until they achieve that.
This
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 phenomenon causes harmful consequences, yet young people do not understand the true value and do not appreciate what they get.
Additionally
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, the result of always satisfying
children
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 could be extremely harmful.
Children
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 will become needy and dependent;
therefore
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, unable to live on their own. Obviously,
this
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 kind of education will weaken the ability to have self-reliance and fail to develop soft skills as
parents
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 do not let their offspring challenge themselves.
For example
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, in some cultures, like Vietnam,
parents
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 pick up their kids from school, buy their clothes, and cook for them at home.
Children
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 do not have to do anything except study, resulting in their inability to stay away from their
parents
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 and live independently. In conclusion, I believe that overindulging
children
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 cannot grow up as independent individuals and heavily rely on assistance from their
parents
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.
Therefore
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, it calls for actions to raise
children
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 in an appropriate way, not just pampering them.

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coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each main point, and conclusion. This enhances readability and the overall organisation of thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Start your essay with a clearer introduction that briefly outlines your main points. This helps the reader understand your stance and the structure of your argument from the beginning.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific examples or evidence. Instead of general statements, provide concrete anecdotes or data to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Be cautious with generalizations and try to provide a balanced view by recognizing possible exceptions or acknowledging different viewpoints, even if you don't agree with them.
coherence cohesion
Focus on refining transitions between paragraphs and sentences to ensure that your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next. This will enhance the logical structure and cohesion.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
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