IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people today find it difficult to balance the demands of their work and personal life. What are the causes of this situation, and what can individuals and employers do to reduce the problem? You should give reasons for your answer, and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #balance #demands #work #life #situation #individuals #employers
Music
 is
probable
Replace the word
probably
show examples
 one thing
could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
show examples
 merge
people
 in various cultures and
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 together. From my point of view, I strongly agree with
this
 statement and I will give reasons in
this
 essay below. Regarding the
first
, there is no boundary for
music
, simply because,
music
 or performing all over the world show
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
 range of
music
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 which
rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on culture, location or language.
However
,
everyone
able
Add a missing verb
is able
show examples
 to enjoy the beauty of
music
 from melody, rhythm without language knowledge.
For example
,
me
Change the pronoun
I
show examples
 and my friends love listening
Japanese
Change preposition
to Japanese
show examples
song
 from manga, a cartoon in Japanese style, even we do not understand the meaning but we
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 happy and dance while listening to the
song
 which
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
 our feeling.

According to
this
 idea, another best example is
everyone
sing
Wrong verb form
singing
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‘Happy
Correct article usage
the ‘Happy
show examples
Birthday’
Correct your spelling
Birthday
show examples
song
 in birthday before
Add an article
the blow
show examples
blow
Wrong verb form
blowing
show examples
 the candle. Even though
people
 from different countries
are not speak
Change the verb form
do not speak
show examples
 only
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
English but
this
song
 brings
everyone
 to celebrate a birthday party. Another reason I hold
this
 view,
music
 is similar to fashion. Some
one-hit wonder
Add a hyphen
one-hit-wonder
show examples
 songs are still on
air
Add an article
the air
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
radio
Correct article usage
the radio
show examples
 or
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
,
also
 launches in remastered or covered version.
People
 in different generations enjoy the same
song
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of time.
For instance
, The Beatles, an English rock band which
popular
Add a missing verb
was popular
show examples
 in
70’s
Fix apostrophe usage
’70s
show examples
, I happy to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 their whole album all day and sing along with my parent, as they are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
big fans of The Beatles when they are a teenager. In conclusion, I definitely believe that the variety of
music
 is valuable for
everyone
, no matter where there are in the corner of the world or which age they are, young, mature or elder. The majority of
people
 understand and enjoy
music
 which is a universal interesting art piece from their experience.
Music
 connects
people
 together.
Submitted by mayokz.chalita on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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