IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. Do you agree or disagree

#people #work #age
In senior
people
 who spend all their life to
work
, to earn money, escape poverty and upgrade the standard of their life. In the era of modernisation,
people
 tend to
work
although
 aged 60 will provoke some problems
such
 as
health
, mentally disorder. So in
this
 essay, I completely agree that
people
 who are not allowed to retire after 60 years old will be endured some problems.
Firstly
, there are two main reasons why
people
 tend to
work
 after the
age
 of 60. They want to promote their career that can help them to have more earnings to buy some luxurious things they want or simply upgrade the standard of living.
Besides
, they
work
 so hard, to reversing money for their children so their children can start a business more easily than they. Sometimes, they can not retire because of their influence in their industry so they must find a person who can alternate their position.
Secondly
, there are some consequences to
this
. If they
work
 after the
age
 of 60 which their
health
 does not allow to do so much like before, they will cause some problems as
health
.
For example
, some
people
 will be sick or go to the hospital regularly to check their
health
 and they will lose money to buy
health
 insurance since they
work
 after the
age
 of 60, the
age
 of retirement. In conclusion, After the
age
 of 60,
people
 should not
work
 too much like adults. They can retire and go home to relax or take care of their family.
Submitted by juliethaonguyen1993 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: