Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Few
people
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believe that improving the income of poor
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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person
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people
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can make a difference in
society
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. Whether it is poor or rich
people
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, everybody should be treated equally in
society
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. I agree with the statement and will discuss the reason in my forthcoming essay.
Firstly
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, crime is one of the major issues of our
society
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. When there is a huge difference between the pay of rich and poor, it leads towards jealousy and hatred.
People
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use
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used
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to steal things which they don't have in their lives.
For instance
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, in developing ,countries
people
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are still below the poverty line. The
overall
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comparison between
people
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can tend towards doing wrong things.
meanwhile
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meanwhile,
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the ability
of thinking
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to think
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is
also
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compromised
due to
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less payment poor
people
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get.
Thus
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, money matters for a better community as well.
Secondly
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, education is another type of issue which poor
people
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have to face.
While
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their wages are less, they are unable to send their kids to
high standard
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high-standard
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schools. It is evident that if the young generation could get a better study it would bring peace and prosperity in the world.
Furthermore
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, better kids will make our world better by becoming more successful in their respective careers.
On the other hand
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, increasing income could make
people
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lazy and will start living life comfortably. It is necessary for everyone to do work and contribute their work to
society
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.
Thus
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, it can be possible that the work situation will be changed. Everyone will be relaxed and
this
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will bring hindrance in completing some of the important tasks.
To conclude
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, an increase in income could make a world better with less crime and the education system will
also
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be improved.
Submitted by swatisnh09 on

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of income inequality on society. Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and effectively frame the essay. Work on providing clearer connections between ideas within paragraphs to enhance cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Well-developed introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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