There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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In today's era, there is no doubt that the burden of studies on children is increasing.

Due to

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that, one group of people supports the idea of discarding extracurricular

subjects

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from the

school

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Although

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other groups of individuals say that these non-academic activities will help pupils develop new

skills

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at an early age, I firmly agree with the latter view. First and foremost, proponents of the idea, which is about withdrawing non-academic courses from the

school

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curriculum, claim hours.

For example

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this

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course makes young individuals study long hours.

For example

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, pupils who have these

subjects

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will spend most of their

time

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school

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or doing homework.

Due to

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that,

this

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issue can be easily solved if

school

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management makes a balanced syllabus and course schedule. Turning to the other side of the coin, these extracurricular studies will help them develop practical

skills

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For instance

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, students will learn team-building

skills

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time

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management

skills

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, communication

skills

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, and many more.

In addition

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, if young people do not try new activities at an early age, they will not be able to find their true passion for life,

such

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as cooking, which will take

time

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and practice, so it will be beneficial for young individuals to learn different kinds of courses. In conclusion, after manifesting both points, some people are in

favor

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favour

show examples

of eliminating some

subjects

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from the

school

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list because students can spend quality

time

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with family, but I totally disagree with

this

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point of view. In my opinion, schools should make a balanced timetable for students, and extra

subjects

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will help them find their career, which they will enjoy for the rest of their lives.

Submitted by namitabhoj1610 on Tue May 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical flow could be improved. Consider organizing your points more effectively and using more transition words to guide the reader.

task achievement

The main ideas are relevant to the question, but they could be more comprehensively developed. Try to provide more detailed explanations and specific examples to support your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea and that this idea is developed fully before moving on to the next point. The argument about spending quality time with family needs more elaboration and support.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

task achievement

The essay consistently addresses the task and presents a clear position on the issue.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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