Some people think that to spend time on professional development is more important while others argue that we should use more time with families. Which one do you agree? To discuss both and give your opinion.

#people #time #development #families

It is irrefutable that time is the most expensive and valuable property of each other. Some individuals believe that we should pay more attention to the professional career. Others,

however

, are of the opinion that family deserves more time and attention than job improvement. In the following ,paragraphs I intend to delve into both variants and write my attitude about them. There are many benefits of spending more time on your own career.

First

of all, everybody knows that money is an indispensable resource in our

life

Secondly

, a job or business with a high salary is the

well

Change the adverb

good

show examples

possibility to provide a good

life

to you and to your relatives. You can give financial help and support to your family.

For example

, most families contain grandparents and babies who do not have

Change the article

the

show examples

ability to work.

Therefore

, you can supply them with a comfortable house, healthy food, higher education and other vitally important things by

high

Add an article

the high

show examples

paid

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

Although

, the

second

viewpoint has

also

many advantages in other aspects. If you pay more attention to your family and relatives, it can develop a close relationship between you. Some people say that a good relationship with family is one criterion of happiness.

For instance

, even if you have billions, you can not feel fulfilment and real happiness without a solid connection with family.

This

statement is approved by many successful, rich people.

Nevertheless

, it is necessary to take into account all the details of each individual case. To conclude, both viewpoints have certain advantages in their own aspects. In my

opinion

Add a comma

,opinion

show examples

family is the most important and valuable wealth of our

life

However

, we should to aware that a professional career is the ability to make your family

life

better.

Submitted by Danial on Sun Feb 27 2022

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people these days rely on traditional medicines rather than going to doctors. What are the causes? Is this a positive or negative development?

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You agreed to take a particular job over the summer, but due to unforeseen circumstances, you can no longer take the position. Write a letter including: – Explaining your situation – An apology – Express that you would be interested in the position next summer

In some countries, people are becoming more and more interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree?