IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Nowadays, numerous individuals spend too much
time
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 in their workplace
instead
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 of having fun or relaxation. I wholeheartedly believe that the drawbacks of
this
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 matter are beyond its benefits.
And in
Correct word choice
In
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this
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 essay, I will explain some of these advantages and disadvantages. The main disadvantage of people spending too many hours working is that after some years they will experience stress and depression. Because when individuals work more than average hours per day, they do not have adequate duration to play sports or go to parks or parties.
Thus
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, some chemical substances and hormones released during the happiness period will
reduce
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be reduced
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.
As a result
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, in the long- term people start to feel depressed.
For example
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, studies show that by doing sports for around 6 hours per week we can control our stress and depression.
In addition
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, being occupied with a job more than normal
time
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 causes loneliness. Since people have no
time
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 for their families and friends, they become alone.
Hence
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, they will lose their relationships and connections gradually.
For instance
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, when we have a serious problem, speaking with a friend perhaps will be a viable solution. And help us to face our problems. Despite the drawbacks mentioned, there are a few advantages to working a lot. Folks spending
time
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 on their projects or their jobs have more chances to get promoted. Owing to their hard effort, they gain a better position. To illustrate, by a strenuous endeavour in a company a person has a higher chance to become a boss or manager. But in my view,
this
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 is futile and having fun is more worthwhile and beneficial for humans. In conclusion,
although
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 there are better positions for folks spending too much moment on their jobs, having fun and doing sports play a crucial role in our lives. In my opinion,
this
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 issue has more negative points.

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and maintains a clear argument throughout the response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows good organization and coherence, but ensure that each paragraph follows logically from the previous one, and that ideas are linked clearly within and between sentences.
lexical resource
Enhance the variety of vocabulary used and pay attention to word choice to more precisely express ideas.
grammatical range
Work on using a wider range of complex structures, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, and ensure that sentences are error-free.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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