Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, In the world of
fastest-growing
Correct article usage
the fastest-growing
show examples
technology, poor
people
are getting poorer and the rich are becoming
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
richer day by day. Some
people
believe that poverty, unemployment and other social problems are the reasons for most crimes. Many
people
from the other corners think that they are the
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
of the bad
nature
of the
people
. I Stand with the former view but we will discuss both views.
Firstly
, some crimes have been committed because of the environment and background in which a person has grown up. Sometimes some offences take place to satisfy one person's ego.
For example
, Recently there are
lots
Correct quantifier usage
lot
show examples
of news we are hearing every day around the world that a boy has killed a girl because she is not interested in him
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which hurts his ego and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ruins his
as well as
a girl's life and
that is
at a very young age.
However
, No
people
are born with a bad
nature
but the circumstances and background in which he or she born and brought up make them bad.
For example
, In recent times gender equality
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
a hot topic; if a child is raised seeing his father always underestimates his mother and never gives her importance,
then
he
also
learns the same thing and he is never going to understand gender equality. So,
this
is not because of the bad
nature
but because of the
surroundings
Add a comma
surroundings,
show examples
most
people
learn crimes.
To sum up
, we shouldn't allege someone that because of their bad
nature
Add a comma
nature,
show examples
they are ending up with some crime. There are always some surroundings and circumstances, which cause
people
to commit a crime.
Submitted by snehaldesai05 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant to the points being made, and that they are presented in a clear and logical manner. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Address all aspects of the given topic, providing a clear and comprehensive response to both views presented. Include specific and well-developed examples to support the arguments made.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, incorporating more precise and diverse lexical choices to enhance the overall quality of the essay.
grammatical range
Maintain grammatical accuracy and precision throughout the essay. Be mindful of sentence structures and ensure that they are varied and effectively used to convey the intended meaning.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic circumstances
  • poverty
  • lack of education
  • unemployment
  • illegal activities
  • desperation
  • social issues
  • exposure to violence
  • family structures
  • inherent
  • personality traits
  • lack of empathy
  • aggression
  • predilection for risk-taking
  • affluent backgrounds
What to do next:
Look at other essays: