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Band 8

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life
There is a widespread argument on the superiority of having a competitive
society
 or a cooperative one.
While
 some laud the benefits that competition brings to competitors’ lives, I believe that having a more cooperative
society
 would be more advantageous on a large scale. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both these views and give my own opinion. First of all, it is obvious that the benefits of having a competitive
society
 are irrefutable. Imagine the equality and
consequently
 lack of motivation to progress that would occur if there was no competition among people. It is evident that competition has a tendency to bring innovation, problem-solving skills and tremendous hard work,
nonetheless
, it would be accompanied by jealousy, animosity and many other unpleasant traits.
On the other hand
,
however
, I reckon that trying to have a more cooperative
society
 far outweighs a competitive one. A salient example of
this
 is Japan, one of the most successful nations in the world - Having grown up working cooperatively in a team from school age, people are more likely to perform cooperatively in their future lives. In order to have
such
 a prominent nation, having the same goals and performing cooperatively is necessary. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that rather than advertising short-term benefits of competitiveness, legislating some incentive policies by governments and authorities to convince and persuade people to be cooperative at work or in daily life would guarantee achieving a more flourishing and thriving
society
 in the long-term
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, discussing both views and offering an opinion. However, consider providing more specific examples or studies to support your points and strengthen the task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized in a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, consider ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence for enhanced coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but adding transitional phrases between sentences could improve the flow and make it easier for the reader to follow your train of thought.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents a balanced discussion of both views before providing a personal opinion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively reaffirms your position in a concise manner, summarizing the key points made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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