Many children nowadays are spending more and more time inside rather than outside. Is this a positive or negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your knowledge or experience

It is often said that these days many children prefer to spend time in their own accommodation
instead
of going out. From my point of view ,it can be a negative trend. I'm going to explain some reasons below.
Firstly
, one of the main reasons for
this
argument is becoming isolated.
For example
,in most countries all around the world where we can see
high_quality
Correct your spelling
high-quality
technological gadgets ,children are spending a lot of time playing video games
as well as
watching their favourite programmes on TV. Needless to say ,
this
situation could create many problems
such
as the lack of communication with other people.
Additionally
,to stay at home scions will suffer from some mental disorders.
Therefore
,
this
makes it clear why it could have a deep detrimental impact on the public.
Secondly
,another reason is becoming
disabled
Correct word choice
unable
show examples
to build a good relationship with others.
For instance
,someone who spent noteworthy moments at home during his childhood will face multiple troubles to enter society.
Moreover
,creating interaction with his classmates and colleagues will be difficult. These causes can persuade the population who live in the world to stop
consuming
Verb problem
spending
show examples
moments indoors always. Opening the doors and watching the world can help to have an extrovert personality and using imagination can be more effortless.
As a result
,it becomes apparent there are numerous reasons behind each claim that we can not ignore. To summarise , I personally believe spending time at home can be harmful to a child. It is predicted that to continue
this
activity by offspring they will
be faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
many physical and psychological problems in the near future.
Submitted by maede.sadeghi8520 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion to clearly state the stance on whether the trend is positive or negative.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons provided to further support the argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: