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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is commonly believed that nowadays the main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#factors #child #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
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There is an increasing
believe
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belief
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 that the development of
kids
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 is influenced by platform, pop culture and their circle, whereas others disagree and think that family is the most affecting
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 growth.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees that
external
Correct article usage
the external
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 element is the main factor of
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
children
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points of view. It is clear that the media and social activities have
affect
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affected
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 behaviour. Based on phycological science,
kids
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 have
a
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apply
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stable
emotion
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emotions
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 and
easy
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are easy
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 to
susceptible
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be susceptible
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 because they are still on the stage of searching its real personal image.
For instance
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, if the people around the youngsters have a hobby in music, the adolescent will follow them. They will ask their
parents
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 to buy them
guitar
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guitars
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 because
kids
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 fear
of
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apply
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missing out
the
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on the
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 trend.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
the
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apply
show examples
evident
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evidence
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 that
parents
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 have a significant role
on
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in
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child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
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 development.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is because
kids
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 are under
monitor
Add an article
the monitor
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 of
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 for 24 hours a day. They live with
its
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their
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parents
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 since they were born and
raising
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raised
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 until now, they will obey with
parents
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 ask.
Parents
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 know which are the best for their
kids
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 and can avoid things which affect negatively
to
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apply
show examples
youngsters.
For example
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,
father
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fathers
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 and
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
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who
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apply
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teach their
kids
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 some good deeds
such
Linking Words
 as
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
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 using drugs and more learning than playing. The mindset will
growth
Replace the word
grow
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 brain and they will apply it
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their life. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both factors have their own implications, I believe the element with more
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
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 on
children
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 is
parents
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, parental involvement is essential in affecting
children
Use synonyms
’s behaviour and in shaping a child’s values to help them enter adult life.
Submitted by nadita.ayudya on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
What to do next:
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