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Band 5.5

It is commonly believed that nowadays the main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#factors #child #development #media #pop #culture #friends #point #role
There is an increasing
believe
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belief
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 that the development of
kids
 is influenced by platform, pop culture and their circle, whereas others disagree and think that family is the most affecting
children
Change noun form
children's
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 growth.
This
 essay disagrees that
external
Correct article usage
the external
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 element is the main factor of
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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 of
children
.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view. It is clear that the media and social activities have
affect
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affected
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour. Based on phycological science,
kids
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
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 and
easy
Add a missing verb
are easy
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 to
susceptible
Add a missing verb
be susceptible
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 because they are still on the stage of searching its real personal image.
For instance
, if the people around the youngsters have a hobby in music, the adolescent will follow them. They will ask their
parents
 to buy them
guitar
Fix the agreement mistake
guitars
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 because
kids
 fear
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
missing out
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 trend.
On the other hand
, it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
evident
Replace the word
evidence
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 that
parents
 have a significant role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 development.
Firstly
, it is because
kids
 are under
monitor
Add an article
the monitor
show examples
 of
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 for 24 hours a day. They live with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
parents
 since they were born and
raising
Wrong verb form
raised
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 until now, they will obey with
parents
 ask.
Parents
 know which are the best for their
kids
 and can avoid things which affect negatively
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters.
For example
,
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
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 and
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
teach their
kids
 some good deeds
such
 as
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoiding
show examples
 using drugs and more learning than playing. The mindset will
growth
Replace the word
grow
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 brain and they will apply it
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their life. In conclusion,
although
 both factors have their own implications, I believe the element with more
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on
children
 is
parents
.
Hence
, parental involvement is essential in affecting
children
’s behaviour and in shaping a child’s values to help them enter adult life.
Submitted by nadita.ayudya on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
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