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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

in some countries, older people who retire from work spend the money on themselves (e.g.holiday) rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, more and more people that reach their retirement age, spend all their savings on themselves, like planning to vacations. And they rarely save any
money
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 for their offspring. Personally, I feel that
this
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 is not a positive development, and I will explain why.
Firstly
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, we need to consider that the world economy rate is steadily declining, and it is getting much harder to earn
money
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.
Therefore
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, parents should be able to financially aid their children during their crucial development stages so that they can achieve much greater accomplishments.
For instance
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, due to the high rates of education, many young adults might not consider attending a university, which can affect them later on in their lives.
Therefore
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, it is up to the parent to support their child in
this
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 situation.
Furthermore
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, for the majority of parents, their lives pride and joy are actually their children.
Therefore
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, they would not like to see them struggling in financial situations.
For example
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,
instead
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 of going on an expensive cruise holiday, they can actually invest in a business that their sons or daughters have started, which greatly aids in their
success
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. I do understand the opposing view, which says that a person’s hard-earned
money
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 should be spent on themselves, but I still believe that investing in your child and seeing their future
success
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 is much more rewarding than going on a simple holiday or even just keeping the
money
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 for themselves. To conclude, I feel that the majority of parents' financial savings is better to be spent on their children’s future because a child’s
success
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 is much more joyful and long-lasting than a simple vacation. A parent’s
success
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 is not measured by their financial worth, it is measured by their children’s achievement in life.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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