IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after 60, it would cause problems for younger people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #work
Over recent decades, many companies generally hire workers until they are 60 years old ,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 there are more places than before giving the opportunities for the elders to
work
 continuously even they are older than the standard of working age. There are some groups of
people
 concerned that it affects the hiring rates of the young generation. 
First
 and foremost, most of the senior
people
 face various health problems,
therefore
, it could have occurred in the jobs
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they have fewer of physical productivity compared to young
people
.
In other words
, they are able to
work
 but
also
 need support from
people
 of different ages at the same time. In terms of
work
 experiences, it is deniable that the elderly have numerous experiences which valuable in order to educate young workers, they can provide the working session between the different generations employees . Many successful companies show us great examples.
Lastly
, the feeling of the best life for some
people
 might be presented in their working life.
Instead
 of relaxing or wasting time in their house with family, they might consider that working is the genuine happiness for them.
For instance
, IKEA, the famous Swedish furniture store, hiring many retirements to
work
 in IKEA, as from my real experience when I went to
this
 place, these
people
 really enjoy their jobs,
this
 could be the feeling I mentioned about the valuable life they would like to pursue, despite old
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 of them.  In conclusion, I understand why some
people
 oppose that allowing senior
people
 to
work
 would cause young
people
 in negative ways. Meanwhile, I am of the strong opinion that the issue will not be a trouble, in
fact
Add a comma
,fact
show examples
 it is more beneficial for youngsters.
Submitted by mayokz.chalita on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrinsic preference
  • liberating
  • physical activity
  • chronic diseases
  • natural light
  • job satisfaction
  • environmental connection
  • monotonous
  • dynamic
  • stimulating
  • fulfilling career
  • creativity
  • inspire
  • office politics
  • corporate structures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: