These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In today's contemporary era, youngsters prefer utilising their leisure time to play video games and stay indoors rather than going outside and doing some physical activities.The cause for

this

Linking Words

situation is developed technologies and parental guidance.

This

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can be considered a destructive development and the reason for my opinion will be elucidated in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, nowadays individuals are high on electronic gadgets and

therefore

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they spend most of their time surfing them.

In other words

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, in the first ,place animated sport is destroying their mental health and

also

Linking Words

making them physically inactive.

Moreover

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,these sorts of

sports

Use synonyms

are being introduced by their parents already and time management skills are lacking.

For instance

Linking Words

,there was an article published by 'The Tribune' which stated that parental guidance and control are imperative for teenagers as overuse of technologies is almost ruining their future. To fortify

further

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, outdoor

sports

Use synonyms

are far better than online gaming platforms as physical activities aid individuals in multifarious ways.To expound, physical

sports

Use synonyms

will develop certain management skills

as well as

Linking Words

team spirit and will

also

Linking Words

make one mentally stronger.To exemplify,there was research conducted by a well-known University which stated that youngsters having some sort of

sports

Use synonyms

are more likely to be happy and active as compared to children who are homebound.

To conclude

Linking Words

, owing to modern technologies and less physical training are ruining one's future.I believe that parents and

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

should

foster

Verb problem

encourage

show examples

youngsters to do physical activities as it will make them fitter and ameliorate their physical

as well as

Linking Words

mental health.

naavyaa7

Jun 23, 2023

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coherence cohesion

While your main points are clear, ensuring there is a smooth transition between paragraphs can improve coherence. For instance, concluding one paragraph with a sentence that sets up the next can make the essay flow better.

task achievement

Consider expanding on your ideas slightly more to provide a fuller explanation. For example, give specific examples of how video games negatively impact mental health or how physical activities foster specific skills.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which nicely frame the argument.

task achievement

You provided specific examples, such as the article from 'The Tribune' and research by the well-known University, which strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

sedentary lifestyle
accessibility
sophisticated marketing
addictive design
screen time
parental influence
safety concerns
indoor activities
social aspect
introverted
traditional sports
inadvertently
capture children's attention

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These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Many people believe that cloths or costumes are more responsible for the occurrence of rape. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if the wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that education should be focused on preparing students for the workforce, while others believe that it should focus on providing students with a well-rounded education. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?