These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In today's contemporary era, youngsters prefer utilising their leisure time to play video games and stay indoors rather than going outside and doing some physical activities.The cause for
this
situation is developed technologies and parental guidance.This
can be considered a destructive development and the reason for my opinion will be elucidated in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, nowadays individuals are high on electronic gadgets and therefore
they spend most of their time surfing them.In other words
, in the first ,place animated sport is destroying their mental health and also
making them physically inactive.Moreover
,these sorts of sports
are being introduced by their parents already and time management skills are lacking.For instance
,there was an article published by 'The Tribune' which stated that parental guidance and control are imperative for teenagers as overuse of technologies is almost ruining their future.
To fortify further
, outdoor sports
are far better than online gaming platforms as physical activities aid individuals in multifarious ways.To expound, physical sports
will develop certain management skills as well as
team spirit and will also
make one mentally stronger.To exemplify,there was research conducted by a well-known University which stated that youngsters having some sort of sports
are more likely to be happy and active as compared to children who are homebound.
To conclude
, owing to modern technologies and less physical training are ruining one's future.I believe that parents and government
should Correct article usage
the government
foster
youngsters to do physical activities as it will make them fitter and ameliorate their physical Verb problem
encourage
as well as
mental health.Submitted by naavyaa7 on
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coherence cohesion
While your main points are clear, ensuring there is a smooth transition between paragraphs can improve coherence. For instance, concluding one paragraph with a sentence that sets up the next can make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas slightly more to provide a fuller explanation. For example, give specific examples of how video games negatively impact mental health or how physical activities foster specific skills.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which nicely frame the argument.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the article from 'The Tribune' and research by the well-known University, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.
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