These days many kids spend a lot of their time playing computer games instead of doing sports. What is the cause of this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
In today's contemporary era, youngsters prefer utilising their leisure time to play video games and stay indoors rather than going outside and doing some physical activities.The cause for
this
situation is developed technologies and parental guidance.Linking Words
This
can be considered a destructive development and the reason for my opinion will be elucidated in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To commence with, nowadays individuals are high on electronic gadgets and Linking Words
therefore
they spend most of their time surfing them.Linking Words
In other words
, in the first ,place animated sport is destroying their mental health and Linking Words
also
making them physically inactive.Linking Words
Moreover
,these sorts of Linking Words
sports
are being introduced by their parents already and time management skills are lacking.Use synonyms
For instance
,there was an article published by 'The Tribune' which stated that parental guidance and control are imperative for teenagers as overuse of technologies is almost ruining their future.
To fortify Linking Words
further
, outdoor Linking Words
sports
are far better than online gaming platforms as physical activities aid individuals in multifarious ways.To expound, physical Use synonyms
sports
will develop certain management skills Use synonyms
as well as
team spirit and will Linking Words
also
make one mentally stronger.To exemplify,there was research conducted by a well-known University which stated that youngsters having some sort of Linking Words
sports
are more likely to be happy and active as compared to children who are homebound.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, owing to modern technologies and less physical training are ruining one's future.I believe that parents and Linking Words
government
should Correct article usage
the government
foster
youngsters to do physical activities as it will make them fitter and ameliorate their physical Verb problem
encourage
as well as
mental health.Linking Words
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coherence cohesion
While your main points are clear, ensuring there is a smooth transition between paragraphs can improve coherence. For instance, concluding one paragraph with a sentence that sets up the next can make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas slightly more to provide a fuller explanation. For example, give specific examples of how video games negatively impact mental health or how physical activities foster specific skills.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which nicely frame the argument.
task achievement
You provided specific examples, such as the article from 'The Tribune' and research by the well-known University, which strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point.