Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#educationalists #child #instrument

Some teaching experts believe that all

children

ought to learn

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to play

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play

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playing

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musical instruments. I strongly agree with

this

idea because I think

music

require more attention,

also

music

is able to help

children

for choosing the field of study correctly and create a better life.

To begin

with, entire the world, schools pay more attention to other various types of science

such

as mathematics, experimental science and engineering technology. It seems that

music

is an underrated subject among people.

For instance

, most parents desire their

kids

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kid's

kids'

show examples

study

Fix the infinitive

to study

show examples

engineering and medicine to

becoming

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become

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engineers or doctors to attain suitable jobs and earn massive money in the future. Parents think if

children

spend

time

in art, they will not be successful people. While probably success is not only mean

Add the particle

to have

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have

Wrong verb form

having

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great

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a great

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occupation and income and it is insufficient. For fully satisfaction interest is

Add an article

a more

show examples

significant issue compared to those subjects which recently has been mentioned.

Therefore

, schools and individuals should

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

allocate a regular and remarkable

time

in calendars to educate how to play musical instruments for discovered real interest.

Furthermore

music

assists

children

to attain mental relaxation. When kids go to school and spend too much

time

doing assignments after that, definitely expose to exhausting moments which can decline the quality of their performance and need some

time

to recover, For

this

purpose playing a musical instrument is able to help them.

For example

, I have played

guitar

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the guitar

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for becoming calm since I was an adolescent, it has been a brilliant procedure for me to cope with problems. In conclusion,

however

, there are some

children

and parents who do not enthusiastic to learn about musical instruments, it can assist kids in order to select appropriate the field of study,

in addition

, it can help them to relax.

Submitted by soroush.baharloo on Fri Mar 04 2022

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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