IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days, more people are going to university than in the past. They start work later in life and with higher qualifications. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

#people #university #work #life #qualifications #situation
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In the past, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to
university
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 was lower than it is now.
However
Linking Words
, today, more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to obtain higher qualifications by attending
university
Use synonyms
 before starting their careers. I think the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend far outweigh any drawbacks. One negative aspect of going to
university
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 is the potential loss of time spent studying rather than gaining
work
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 experience. To explain, studying at the
university
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 takes a long time to graduate and get a certificate, which is often required by employers.
For example
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, some
people
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 can teach before they go to
study
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
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, which means that they don't need to
study
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 for five or six years to get the approval because they have the critical
skills
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
work
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.
As a result
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, in my opinion, it doesn't matter that I have a certificate or degree that shows my experience in the field, but my
skills
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 are the most important thing to get a good job.
On the other hand
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, the positive aspect of studying at
university
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 before starting
work
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 is the chance to improve knowledge,
skills
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 and experiences. To clarify, at the
university
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 education teaches students important things
such
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 as the correct way of working, how to navigate the
work
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 environment and essential subjects related to their field.
For instance
Linking Words
, future teachers learn how they have to deal with the students.
Also
Linking Words
 how to teach them correctly.
Consequently
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, I strongly believe that individuals should
study
Use synonyms
 at
university
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 before going to
work
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 to deal with the job environment and to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 in the future.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 studying at
university
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 helps in shaping a professional worker,
this
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 upside is more important than
downside
Correct article usage
the downside
show examples
 that some
people
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 don't need to
study
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 at
university
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 because they have
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enough
skills
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on the transitions between your ideas and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer logical structure. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea that is well-supported with explanations or examples.
task achievement
It's important to provide more balanced examples to support your arguments. This will help illustrate your points better and strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully developed and clearly articulated. This includes providing more detailed explanations when introducing new points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the main points effectively.
task achievement
You've addressed the task appropriately by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the task and provide a complete, though not exhaustive, response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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