IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#technology #access #exchange #information #danger #societies
Based on the development of technology,nowadays,transmitting multitudes of data is feasible.
Whereas
 it has bestowed various advantages to humans' lives,its detrimental consequences cannot be ignored as well.
However
,in my point of view,its positive footprints surpass the negative aspects.
Nevertheless
,both sides are explained here. One of the most highlighted benefits interwoven with online exchanges of information has to do with the capability of distant working,which has been exploited especially in the
last
 year owing to the spread of coronavirus.As a vivid case,not only the emission of greenhouse gasses has diminished drastically but
also
 a considerable amount of both time and energy has been saved.
Therefore
,if the save opportunities are allocated to professional functions,the chance of flourishing in various situations would be provided.
Furthermore
,it is possible to
commerce
Correct your spelling
commence
show examples
 from remote areas.
For instance
, by the ability of easy access to divergent websites,people can compare and ultimately,purchase their requirements,either their daily goods,
such
 as food or some other merchandise,like a laptop or even a mobile.
On the other hand
,the ratio of deceiving is potentially high on these occasions if hackers exploit the identity data of users of the internet.Namely,they may pull up the deposit of credit cards via the password and other numbers that they have collected in advance.
Moreover
,it is feasible for children to be exposed to adverse contents,
while
 used to
such
 affairs have been controlled easier in the factual globe.
In other words
,
due to
 the lack of supervising amenities on the internet,juveniles may be abused by others
while
 they are wandering in the virtual world.To illustrate,they may be encouraged to get involved with violence that ends up in suicide,a Russian program that had worldwide fame. To recapitulate,
although
 some side effects may be experienced by the utilization of
dominated
Replace the word
dominant
show examples
 technology in conveying information,its positive footprints outweigh eventually if people are trained to use that properly and safely.
Submitted by drpnima on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all of the essay content directly addresses the essay prompt, and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally clear, but consider grouping related ideas together more effectively for improved coherence.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more precise and sophisticated language to enhance the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure a wider range of sentence types and fewer errors.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: