IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
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It is argued by some that economic prosperity is the main reason for life satisfaction, while others believe that true happiness
come
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comes
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 from other
factors
Use synonyms
. While
Correct article usage
the economy
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economy
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economic
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 boom helps
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
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 wealth and prosperity to the nation, I think that more important aspects
such
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 as freedom and democracy within the country are the ultimate
factors
Use synonyms
 for happier citizens. To elaborate on the
first
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Correct your spelling
viewpoint
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view point
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viewpoint
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, I think in the world where nations
are compete
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are competing
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 for
superpower
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a superpower
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, it is obvious most governments strike to improve their economy and treat it as a priority. With
stronger
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a stronger
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 and stable currency, there would be less inflation and more employment.
People
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 would have higher
imcomes
Correct your spelling
incomes
 which lead to better
life
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living
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 standard for
people
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. My uncle is living
the
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in the
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 US after fleeing the Vietnam war, he is making money and
send
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sending
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 some of his income back home to my family and grandmother, the money he gave have been sufficient for building a new home and feeding family members.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 believe that true meaningful happiness doesn’t just come from economic growth. Other
factors
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 that are
also
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 important in a healthy
prosperious
Correct your spelling
prosperous
 nation include
:
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apply
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 freedom of speech, truthful uncensored news, better civil rights and equal employment opportunity for all. These are basic components of any free and
democracy
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democratic
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 developed country. To me, money is a tool to enable a better life but it is not as important as having human rights respected and our voice heard. I remember watching my American friends protesting
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of the US congress building some years ago, my friends told me they weren’t happy to see their president declaring an invasion
on
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of
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 Iraq for a war on oil. I think
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
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 would agree that no amount of personal economic growth would be enough to justify a war on innocent civilians. In conclusion, it is considered by some that happiness is the result of financial prosperity while there are others who think that true satisfaction
come
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comes
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 from other
factors
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 like having civil liberty, freedom of speech and equal
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 in the workplace. I have seen democracy and economic affluence co-exist hand in hand, I believe there is always a way to
nourist
Correct your spelling
nourish
 our economy without jeopardising
on
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apply
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human rights.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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