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Band 4

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
It is argued by some that economic prosperity is the main reason for life satisfaction, while others believe that true happiness
come
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comes
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 from other
factors
. While
Correct article usage
the economy
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economy
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economic
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 boom helps
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
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 wealth and prosperity to the nation, I think that more important aspects
such
 as freedom and democracy within the country are the ultimate
factors
 for happier citizens. To elaborate on the
first
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viewpoint
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view point
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viewpoint
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, I think in the world where nations
are compete
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are competing
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 for
superpower
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a superpower
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, it is obvious most governments strike to improve their economy and treat it as a priority. With
stronger
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a stronger
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 and stable currency, there would be less inflation and more employment.
People
 would have higher
imcomes
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incomes
 which lead to better
life
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living
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 standard for
people
. My uncle is living
the
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in the
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 US after fleeing the Vietnam war, he is making money and
send
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sending
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 some of his income back home to my family and grandmother, the money he gave have been sufficient for building a new home and feeding family members.
On the other hand
,
people
 believe that true meaningful happiness doesn’t just come from economic growth. Other
factors
 that are
also
 important in a healthy
prosperious
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prosperous
 nation include
:
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apply
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 freedom of speech, truthful uncensored news, better civil rights and equal employment opportunity for all. These are basic components of any free and
democracy
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democratic
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 developed country. To me, money is a tool to enable a better life but it is not as important as having human rights respected and our voice heard. I remember watching my American friends protesting
infront
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in front
 of the US congress building some years ago, my friends told me they weren’t happy to see their president declaring an invasion
on
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of
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 Iraq for a war on oil. I think
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
 would agree that no amount of personal economic growth would be enough to justify a war on innocent civilians. In conclusion, it is considered by some that happiness is the result of financial prosperity while there are others who think that true satisfaction
come
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comes
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 from other
factors
 like having civil liberty, freedom of speech and equal
oppotunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 in the workplace. I have seen democracy and economic affluence co-exist hand in hand, I believe there is always a way to
nourist
Correct your spelling
nourish
 our economy without jeopardising
on
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apply
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human rights.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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